My advice re: the scum of resentment. I had great success removing the scum by instituting the Sexual Moratorium described in Breaking Free Exercise #39, in the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" book.
Suddenly, I wasn't getting any sex, but it was ME who was in charge of the fact that I wasn't getting any sex. Every time I felt horny, (and would, under normal circumstances, either initiate and get rejected and get resentful, or not initiate and get resentful), I would tell myself, "don't initiate...you put the SM in place, and you have to honor it." Worked like a charm.
Do it for at least three months. Tell your W what you are doing.
Just be aware that this may either reveal the tasty broth under the scum, or something much less palatable.
