The Long and Winding Road...

[Kalni]

Hi Bhopeful,

I am new here and I've reading your story. I read the last posts of yours again & again(make me feel good too-thanks for that).

I realise you are in need of her recommitting to you and your marriage and she does have to do it, but it sure sounds to me that she is recommitting to you but in a slow and steady pace. You probably need to hear it but I hope you realise how HAPPY and PROUD you should be for all the things you accomplished.
(I do not know if I can give advice, but I would not want to be pushed if I were her with "heavy" discussions yet)

Please let us know what is going on, your story gives me & I am sure a lot of other people inspiration & hopes for a better, struggle-free future.

Take care
Kalni

Me 37
H 37
T 11 year
M 7 years
S 6 years
D 5
Sep 11/17/07

[Wooglint]

B,

Everything sounds great and you seem to be doing a great job. Patience pays off. I have to keep telling myself that as well.

[bhopeful]

Hey jmw. That sounds like progress to me. Remember to believe little of what they say and half of what they do. So look to her actions and you'll see that she wanted to spend time with you that day.

So, I guess I am saying be happy with your progress.

You too!

[bhopeful]

Thanks for posting Kalni. I'm glad that you find inspiration in my story. Things have progressed quite a bit and I'll post about it in a bit.

Peace,
B

[bhopeful]

Woog, Patience is definitely the key. It's what I struggle with the most right now...

[bhopeful]

Well I realized that I had posted anything since last Friday. A lot has been happening so I'll try not to let this get too long. I'll start where I left off.

Friday night we went out for dinner and to a record shop. It was a blast hanging out with her. The weather was really bad so she didn't stick around once we got back to the house. She called me a couple times that night though just to talk. Nothing new R wise, but it was a nice night.

Saturday morning she calls and asks what my plans are for the day. I didn't have anything going on until possibly the evening, so I let her know. She said that she was going to come down and wanted to go to an antique store. We only hung out for an hour and a half and then she was ready to go. It seemed strange that she drove all this way for so little time, but I wasn't going to complain since it was a positive time.

Saturday evening I was in a movie with some friends. About 15 minutes into the movie my phone kept vibrating. She called me three times in about 10 minutes, so I went out to the hallway and called her back. She wanted to come down and spend the night again! So I told her that the door was unlocked and that I would be home after the movie. (Which was hard since I wanted to go home right then, but I knew that I shouldn't since it would be pretty needy.) So I finished the movie and gave her a call. She was already at the house and was looking for something to eat. I told her that I would order a pizza once I got home.

The night went really well although she was very sleepy. She said that she doesn't sleep much at her place. I told her that she was welcome at the house anytime. We pretty much spent the whole night on the couch. It was nice. She slept on the couch again, so I got her some blankets and tucked her in.

Sunday morning we got up around the same time and I made some breakfast for the both of us. We hung out and watched TV for a while and then she wanted to get into some R talk. She told me what she needed out of a relationship. She said that she felt like she got a lot of what she needed, but that something was missing. She needs me to be more spontaneous and adventurous. I told her that I let my worries cripple me in the past and I gave her some examples of how I working to change that. Some of the stuff was hard to hear as we talked about the time when our R was falling apart. We both took responsibility for our actions and apologized. I cried. I know that I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. I didn't realize how much I had bottled up inside. We ended up talking for two hours. It was hard, but in order to move forward you have to deal with the hard issues. While she didn't directly come out and say "I want to work on the M", she did make some comments that alluded to it. Such as "If we're going to work on things than we need to be together more." and "I miss this kind of thing." (In reference to hanging out on the couch and talking and stuff like that.) She also talked about making some changes to the house and one other thing that I can't recall right now. She left in the early afternoon as she had someone stopping by her place later that day.

Sunday night I called her to tell her that I had a really nice weekend and that I hoped that she did too. We ended up talking for an hour or so, so I guess that the R talk was good and didn't scare her away again.

Monday we IM'd throughout the day about nothing in particular. We did make plans to hang out this coming Friday night. And she actually contact some of our married friends to see if they wanted to meet us for dinner that night too. This seemed like a big deal to me as she's generally has talked to any of our married friends since this started. This particular couple has wanted all of us to get together for dinner since last November. So I see it as a big change that W would take the initiative and ask them out. It also seems like we're a couple again in a way.

Monday night she called in the late evening and talked for a while. She said that she was going to invite me up but that she would feel too bad if I drove up because of the weather. So we ended up talking for an hour.

Tuesday her work was closed because of the weather. We talked throughout the morning on the phone. Just little conversations here and there. Nothing big. Then she called just before lunch and asked if she could stop over (I work from home, so I'm here all day). Ok, sure. It turns out that she had to head into the office so she was coming at least half of the way here. It seemed strange, but I'm not going to turn her away. She stuck around for a half hour and I made her some lunch. As she was leaving I suggested that I could come up that night as she had wanted me too the previous night. She said that she wasn't sure, but that she would let me know.

Tuesday evening rolls around and I hadn't heard from her yet, so I called her and asked what her thoughts were on the night. She said that I could come up and I offered to pick up some dinner and some movies. She ended up laying with her head in my lap for a while which was great. My LL is definitely physical touch, so even the smallest contact from her makes my heart sing. The night went well and I didn't get home until 1am.

So, I've seen her 6 out of the last 7 days. We've been talking a whole bunch. She doesn't seem to be getting scared off anymore either. I hope that things keep going this well. I still have to have patience as I just want to tell her to come home. Thanks to all who have been following my story.

Peace,
B

[JennyF]

B...This all sounds really great.

She is being cautious, but sending you all the signals. When is her lease up? I can't remember if it is the end of Jan or Feb.

All I was thinking as I was reading this was if you've read the 5 Love Languages...then you referred to your LL, so you're way ahead of me!
Do you know her LL?
J~

[bhopeful]

Her lease is a month to month thing. She just needs to let her land lady know a month before she leaves. It is a summer cottage though, so after May they start charging by the week. She'll have to find something else by then. Hopefully that will be back with me.

I'm pretty sure that her LL is Words of Affirmation but it could be Quality Time too. I try to do both just so that I'm covered.

Thanks for checking in. I need to catch up on your thread. I was away from the boards for a few days and so much changes...
B

Sounds like things are really going well for you both - Spending a lot of time together is great, but make sure you don't fall back into bad habits like I am doing with my W

[transformer]

Dear BHopeful,

I found your thread b/c Kalni posted on it and she's been posting on mine. When I saw how many wonderful things have been happening in your situation I went back to the beginning and read through all your story. Did you know that you have a heart of gold?

It was amazing to see how you have been taking care of yourself and Db'ing so well. WOW!! I am so inspired by you. You make me hopeful too! It is really uplifting to see all the positive things you've done for yourself in your life and how that has opened up space for new things in your R! I am very eager to see what happens next.

I loved reading your story all in one night and being able to see how you went from being in a very hard place when you first started posting to a place where your W is telling you that she loves you and initiating all of these hang-outs with you....!!

((HUGS))
Transformer