I feel so lost and rudderless. I have been praying for God to show me some guidance.
I know my W just dumped a vat of alien spew on me. I know her words and actions don't jive. I know the mass of the evidence; I know the course of events that have taken place. But my W's words to me the other night were so disturbing. It is so very confusing. Could she really have "played" me for 17 years, as she seems to now indicate? Was it all just a lie from the very beginning? It doesn't add up.
I am beginning to wonder where in these forums I belong now. Where should I hang my thread? Yes, I believe W is having an EA, and I know she has had opportunity and desire for a PA -- so there is infidelity.
My W is definitely showing signs of MLC too. And we are separated.
Given the poor progress I have made -- I manage to detach only to continue to discover she has new ways of hurting me -- am I misreading everything?
All I know is that I did truly love her, fully and completely. Do I still love her? I don't know -- I love who she was, but she's trying now to convince me she never "was".
I don't want to lose my S's. I do love my children, and they're all I have in this world. Why is she trying so hard to destroy me?
