GRRR! Don't know what the H*LL just happened! H left a voicemail at 5:46, re. the job offer he got to move to Omaha. Said we had a lot to talk about. Earlier in the day, I asked his living situation plans (he was supposed to move into apt. yesterday), he said "Good Question" like he didn't know what he was going to do.
So I put the unsure living situation and the "we have a lot to talk about" together and assumed he meant tonight when he got home from bowling. Because here's the thing: When he left for work at 6 a.m. yesterday, he was moving out.
Period.
By 11:30 a.m., his job was in jeopardy and he needed to find a new one ASAP.
He shows up at home at 10:45 pm, no mention of where he had been all night, and says he has to tell the apartment people by Tuesday (today) what he's doing, and says he has a lead on a job.
By 11:00 this morning, he has a phone interview for today.
By 5:45, he has a tentative offer making same money in Omaha.
His mom tells me H told her today that we would all move to Omaha if he got the job.
So I ASSUME we are going to talk tonight. It is a big leap from "I am moving out" to "We are all moving home, 2 1/2 hours away"
Well H just called and it was a clusterf**k!! He asks what we are up to. I tell him (one kid in bed, another on the way). He says he is almost done bowling and then he and Jordan are going for beers (did I mention ex?OW is on the team?? ). I respond, okay, I thought we had a lot to talk about, but you are going out instead of talking to me?
He gets instantly IRATE!! Starts basically almost yelling, how he doesn't know anything yet, he is going up Thursday afternoon for a real interview, taking a half-day off of work. i said, "oh, I didn't know what was up at work, did you talk to Big Boss?" He says, "No, they don't want to talk to me they seem to be done with me." I say, "And what about the apartment?" H: DUH! (ANGRY) Why would I move out if I am moving to Omaha. Me: I wouldn't either, but at lunch you said your living situation was still up in the air. I am trying to keep up with what is going on. H: See, that is how it always is. NOTHING EVER CHANGES! You always make a big deal out of everything and I was just trying to have a civil conversation? CIVIL CONVERSATION!? HE CALLED TO SAY HE WAS GOING OUT FOR BEER WITH A BUDDY, NOT TO TALK TO ME!! Me: I am not trying to make a big deal out of things, you said we had a lot to talk about and I assumed you meant tonight. H: I don't even KNOW anything yet until I talk to the guy Thursday. Me: I just figured that since the move would involve you moving to Omaha we'd need to talk about that bc since you were going to move out here, what would that mean about me moving to Omaha with you. H: That's one of the things we need to talk about and figure out. Me: (WRONG WRONG WRONG I KNOW!!) But not tonight.... H: Fine, maybe I should just move in with Jordan for now. Me: (WRONG AGAIN) Because I asked you a question you need to move in with Jordan? H: We will talk about this later, NOTHING EVER CHANGES WITH YOU. Me: I only want you to do whatever it is you want to do with your life, your life is your decision. I just wanted to be informed since we were just planning visitation schedules and how to tell the kids yesterday.....but go and have a good night. H: What? Me: Have a good night, goodbye.
AAAAAAH! I know we are supposed to give them time and space and I have tried like h*ll to give him that. But come on, at some point WTF? He is contemplating selling our house, moving out of state, taking a new job, maybe me and the kids moving with him, but it is more important to go get a beer with his buddy? Makes me wonder if OW is back in the picture. I know in the past he starts a fight with me to justify doing whatever he wants to do.
And in conflict resolution, he is a "go away and hide from it" type and I am a "chase it down talk about it until it is resolved and don't quit until it is" type, which does NOT go together. So against what I should do I called him back. Surprise, I got voicemail. Left a brief message, "Sorry if I seemed upset I just assumed when you said we had a lot to talk about you meant tonight and so it hurt my feelings that you were going out instead of talking to me. I wasn't trying to cause an argument. Have a good time with Jordan." As I am talking on the house phone I hear my cell beep. I go look after I hang up.
It is a TM from H: If the kids are sick text otherwise forget it I will talk to you tomorrow
Now I am just so PI$$ED! How DARE he dismiss me!? I am venting here so I don't send him an angry text message. I have been patient, I have told him to take time to do what he needs to do, I have left him alone when it comes time to decide about our R. But come on! He TOLD me he wanted to work on things and try to fix our M. But we haven't talked about it ONE BIT since he said that 4 weeks ago. And if he is talking job change and selling the house that I live in too, we NEED to talk about it. I am just so sick of everything being on HIS time frame.
I just want to call/text him and say, Do what you want when you want. I do not want to talk to you tomorrow. I do not want to talk to you at all. Live where you want with whomever you want. Figure out your life. I will figure out mine. I only need to talk to you to confirm your times with the kids. Otherwise, just leave me alone.
It is just getting to hard to wait for him to figure out his life!! I know I want to have our M back better than before. I know I want to keep my M and my family intact. But like this??? This is not a life for me. This is some purgatory/limbo hell thing going on. HE cheated on me. HE was moving out on me. But I am waiting for him to decide when/if he wants to talk to me about ANYTHING!! Don't know if I want to bawl, puke, punch someone, or all of the above. But instead I will go read S5 a book and put him to bed.
). I respond, okay, I thought we had a lot to talk about, but you are going out instead of talking to me?
