How does he know what you can and can't forgive? I understand that he has regrets and feels guilty, but that is no reason to toss away a 10 year marriage. It is time to give Retrouvaille a chance. He will hear stories of people who forgave much more than what the two of you went through. And he will look them in the eye and see that they love each other. He needs to have some faith in humanity. It is only 2 days. But for more than 50% of the people there it is a two day miracle.
Wow sweetie, tough conversation. Please try to see if he'll go to Retrouvaille. Unfortunately, I can't say from experience, but Sara knows her stuff on this. I did, at one point, talk to a Retro representative. He told me about how he was the one that no longer wanted his marriage. That was 5 years ago. He said he never thought Retro would work and he didn't believe in it until he was there. I wish more of our S's would consider giving just 1 weekend of their lives to see if it would work.
Thinking of you. Hugs!!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
One more thing..... I was going to ask you if you still wore your ring. I swore I'd never take mine off. I've seriously considered it lately. Not as a....you did it, so can I, but just because I'm starting to feel like it's not right to wear it when my marriage isn't whole. That feeling comes and goes.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Hi LWB - i think there are a lot of positives in that conversation - it sounds like your H is enjoying your time together, he knows what it will take to make your M work, he said he's willing to do it, he knows it's going to take a lot of work, his eyes are opening to OW, and I think he is hesitant because he doesn't know if you're willing to put up with him as he transitions, changes, tries to work this out. - that was a fear with my H as well - he said most of the same stuff to me that your H told you.
I guess you have to decide what you really want. Do you want to wait and see if he can change and pull himself out of this? I think while we are DBing we lose sight of the needs of our spouses - I know it's difficult to think that they have needs or should even have them met by us - but to me, it sounded like your H wanted to see where you were at - to see if you'd be willing to really wait for him to figure this stuff out. To be paitent as he does the work to fix things. I think he was looking for reassurance from you that it could be fixed and that you would be happy with your M restored. AND, I think there *is* hope and I know retrouvaille could help you guys tremendously.
Take care!!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
lwb - glad to see the alien is at least taking some vacations from H's body.
How horrifying is it to hear that he hooked up with someone who had multiple affairs and expected things to be different?
Sorry.. didn't mean to throw salt.
Would it be possible to suggest counseling at this point? Either for him or for you both together?
I think it's just guilt and shame that's keeping him away, and that's hard to break through without support. You don't want to go back to being Jello.. he'd run over you again.
wow... something must be in the air. I just got done with a long D/"too bad our M didn't work discussion". It's exhausting isn't it??! I think there is still some hope for you!
wow... something must be in the air. I just got done with a long D/"too bad our M didn't work discussion". It's exhausting isn't it??! I think there is still some hope for you!
I just took a 'leap of faith' (waving at saffie) and accepted his invitation to dinner and casino tomorrow night. I have put this off a bit, but he set it up, so I took the night off work.
I think over dinner I'll bring up Retro or counseling. I think he would be more open to Retro.
Hi miss edie, thanks for coming by. I miss you, but don't get me wrong, I am glad you are in piecing....I will think hard about your post. I wonder how long I should wait. I am not filing for D tomorrow, and he knows this. He knows I still think it can work, and I would be willing to try my hardest.
jar, lol!! You don't know how bad I wanted to 'razz' him about OW and how he didn't see it coming. But he is truly hurting, about everything, so I didn't do it. Good wife.
nocode, when he was listing the stuff he would need to change, I was floored. I thought he would take a look at my list (mental list, really) and run the other way....he even added a few little things on there I hadn't thought of. lol
Sue, I struggle daily about my rings. I really do. I was so hurt that H put all his love and thought into OW's Christmas gift (and went on a date with her, barf), that I was through that weekend. Since then, I struggle.
