Thanks Kerry! I try to be logical but a lot of times my emotions get in the way!
So my earlier prediction that H would have a new job by 11 p.m. were wrong--I got a voicemail (aren't I good not to answer my cell phone!) at 5:45 from H. He said that the Omaha company offered him the exact same salary he makes here to do pretty much the exact same job there. Ironically, he has wanted to "move home" for 8 yrs but always said he couldn't get a job that paid enough. Now he finds one in 12 hours??
Anyway his VM said the job in Omaha would be the same pay but they wouldn't help us sell our house here or move (previously my H has taken jobs with BIG companies that pay to relocate you). Then he said,"So obviously we have a lot we need to talk about. Talk to you later." And he is off to bowling now!?!
HOW the HE!! is BOWLING more important than talking about selling our house and moving 2 1/2 hours away??
To complicate things, his mom called me today at 4:00 to talk. She said H called her earlier today to tell her he was "probably moving home" and see about finding homes in the area. Eventually he would build on the family farm so I don't know why he wanted to know. Anyway, MIL knew he and I were in dire trouble & he was going to move out, so she asked him if it would just be him moving back. He told her, "No, Bobbi and the kids would come back, too."
Funny, nobody has asked me to move back yet? And does he just assume we will be living with him? He was moving out yesterday morning and now we are all moving to Iowa together??
I know, I know, I have been praying we would get back together (I mean REALLY back together, not just under the same roof like we are now, sleeping in different rooms and only making small talk). So I should be glad he told his mom he wants us all to move. But instead I feel totally taken for granted. He knows my son LOVES his preschool, he knows I JUST started back to work last week and love it, and he KNOWS I have applied for FT work down here. So I suppose that is what he means when he says we have a lot to talk about. But it has to wait bc it's bowling time. Not that I am bitter.....
Here are my thoughts: 1)I think I want to just stay here and live in our house while we sell it (if he is really moving), teaching school and letting the kids go to preschool/daycare down here. It will probably take 4-5 months to sell the house down here, which would allow me to finish out the school year. And didn't he just say he needed space??
2)I will apply for a job up in our hometown and neighboring town, and if I get one, I will move back, but into my own place, at least for now.
3)I do NOT want to move with him just bc it is convenient to have the kids near him. I don't even know yet if he meant move together, or him move into his parents and me into mine while we look for a "real" place to live.
4)I hear from you guys that we shouldn't have the R talk while we are in job-hunt-crazy mode, but whether or not we Reconcile could make a difference in when/how/if I move back, too.
5)For some reason I am just angry now because he assumes (now I know this is just based on what he told MIL) we will all move back just bc it is what he wants. Six months ago I would have been THRILLED if we were to move back home. 2 sets of Grandparents for cheap babysitting, getting to teach school where I went to school? Extended family a 30 minute drive away? All GOOD.
6)For me to move back to Iowa with him, I think it should require some major effort on his part. Acknowledging he has royally screwed up. Telling me he wants to be with me, because he wants to be with me, not for convenience. A commitment to working on the R, continuing counseling up there (which means finding a new counselor and I LOVE ours!).
It is weird bc two months ago at the height of all the drama I would have been so happy if he wanted to move away with me. It puts distance between him and the ex-OW, it puts us close to supportive family and my husband's best friend who is a super good influence on him (guy doesn't drink or go out a lot, spends all his time with family or with his cows), and puts us in the town where our relationship began. But now for some reason I am just really crabby.....HELP?
