Asking him the tings you are talking about isn't goin gto help you. The chance that you'll find out things you really want o know is really small. Keep your mouth shut, your eyes and ears open.
If he's distant and secretive, I don't think asking him why is going to help much! Unless there's a pill we don't know about, and you could slip it in his drink.
I'm doing ok. What I've managed to realize is that I have to work on my life withoug worrying about what the results might or might not be. And not worry about whether I'm done until I'm done. Actually doing that is another trick, entirely!
So, I guess it is clearer, for now. I'm like everyone else, I want a timeline, and there isn't one!
If you want to talk, keep it to small things. Read a book (not about any of this stuff) and bring it up. Talk about a movie, something in the news. What things is he interested in? If you hear/read something and you know he has an interest in that subject mention it. It may work sometimes, it may not. Just stay away from the topics you mentioned above.
As a matter of fact I went into his room last night and layed next to him to watch t.v. There was a comedy show on and I was smirking and chuckling at some of the parts. He was talking a bit too and just before the show was done he opened up a little....about the show. It was nice.
I hugged him... he let me. I rubbed his back...he let me. Then i left and he went to sleep.
Baby steps.....
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
I have noticed something since Christmas, which was the deadline my H set up for himself to leave.He goes to work all day, goes to his Brother's to work on his boat alone,then comes home ,watches a little t.v. in his room,with the door closed of course, and goes to bed.
At least that,s where he tells me where he is going.
During the holidays he layed in bed and watched t.v. for the most part.
The only time he is here is after his work and he leaves before I come hiome from work.
I haven't talked about R or for that matternothing in depth for quite a while.
I wonder if he is avoiding me or if his lawyer talked to him this week. (see above post 01/10/08 at 3:33) I was expecting his lawyer to send him a letter??????
Not going to ask.
Also I went to the mall to pick up some hot looking clothes today, (basically clothes that fit me ) and met some people that I know. (I have been running into this quite a bit lately)
They ask me how things are going and are quite surprised when I say he is still in the house.
They tell me they don't know how I can handle it.
My answer: " I will know when I have had enough," "I will know when it's time to call it quits" and "I will know when I can honestly say to myself I've done all that I can do"
They look at me and say yea you're right. You will know what's best for your family.
E Standing Tall!!!!!( at least in front of other people, sometimes not so strong here)
I swear, I never knew this person that existed way deep down inside me. I didn't know she was there. I didn't think I had the gumption to go on.
Another day......
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
I know exactly what you mean about clothes that fit. Good for you!
You should be proud of yourself that you have found your strength. It may wane at times, but now that you know it's there you can find it again. Sometimes stading tall for others makes me remember that I can keep doing this.
No on the first question. That is not you setting a boundary and he will see it as controlling or mothering.
Good luck on the second. I had asked my H months ago to let me know when he would be home for dinner (as opposed to not) and it never happened. B/c he commutes I generally have dinner at a at when he could make it. If he isn't there, I don't worry about it. Some nights, D's and I may have dinner earlier. Not out of any meaness on my part, just the way it works out. he knows where things are and can cook.
If you choose to request he let you know when he won't be home, do it once only. Then, just do your thing. I don't see this as a boundary so much as a courtesy, but they don't often show many of those.
) and met some people that I know. (I have been running into this quite a bit lately)