Having a saturday morning coffee, relaxing and just finished going over his financial statement.
OMG, I don't want this
Quite a different story than yesterday I know.
Reality smacks me in the face and I hate it.
He is at work. I have been so positive around him, I guess the dam is full and i had to let 'er go!
Looking at the numbers and seeing it all in print makes it sooooo real.
At the end it says (checked box)" I do expect changes in my financial situation as follows"
(Comment filled in...probably lawyers words)"My wife and I continue to both reside in the matrimonial home with our two children. I do not know how things will be resolved
I'm sobbing so hard everything is blurry.
E
Last edited by enlightenbylife; 01/12/0803:59 PM.
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
ebl, GAL and those things - they are about you, not him. Change the things YOU want to change. In the end, the changes may bring your H closer to you again, but if the changes are not ones that are important to you, you're not going to be able to keep it up.
Try to think less about him and more about you and your children. Even if you don't think he's paying attention, he'll notice.
Read posts of people who have been doing this for a while - perhaps you'll recognize some patterns and be able to get a better grasp on where you might be, remembering that every situation is different.
From what I understand you can't pinpoint him. The stages don't necessarily go in order, they can overlap, and they can be repeated. So, trying to figure it out, and put a timeline to it just doesn't work, unfortunately.
I don't think you need to worry about you GAL looking to him like you are moving away from him. He isn't looking at you that way know. He really isn't looking at you. Remember, it is all about him. As he comes out, and does see you, you want him to see someone he would like to be with. No someone who is wallowing, and moping! Anyway, unless you try to hold him, I don't think you are pushing him away. He has that under control on his own! Try to hold him, and he'll run faster!
Good attitude. Looking does not necessarily = moving out. And moving out does not have to = forever.
You and your h have both been through a lot these past few years. I think learning about MLC is important- and it sounds like you have alot of compassion for what your h is going through. That's great!
Originally Posted By: enlightenbylife
Should I talk to H and let him know that now I understand why he is in such a fog?
I wouldn't bring it up, but if he brings it up in conversation, you can validate. If you bring it up at the wrong time, he may take it the wrong way.
Originally Posted By: enlightenbylife
I don't think he even realizes the tie-in.
Try not to feel like now that you have this knowledge about mlc, that you can educate him. He may not be ready to hear that and he may not see the tie-in that is so obvious to you and me. I would just try to be there, but give him space, let him know that you're his friend.
Your right I will not bring it up,unless we are in a conversation.
That brings me to another question.
We hardly ever talk and when we do it is usually to the point and then it is done.
I don't know what to say and I guess he doesn't either.
How can this start at friendship if we don't even talk?
He is on the computer right now and that is one of the ways he and OW used to sneak around and commumicate.
The trust issue is still an issue and perhaps that is the reason why it is so hard to talk...I don't know
Also my son saw my H parked across the street (we live across the street from a park and a conservation area) a couple of weeks ago and it was dark outside.
My H saw my son and pulled out, drove past the house and down the stret, turned around and came in the driveway????
What's with that??
A mind game?????
He is still so secretive.
We had said that once this thing started that we were going to be honest...no secrets.
Should I ask him about a few of the things that are realy puzzleing me..like when he goes in his room and shreeds papers???
Like when he parked across the street?
I know that I might get lies but I feel like such a sucker for just sitting here and taking all of the secrets and I'm an open book.
I don't kmow what's going on half the time because I can't ask and he volunteers no information.
I know nothing and he has all of the contol of the situation, what goes on with us moving ahead...him moving out or not
I feel so helpless and stupid.
Any suggestions?
I would like to communicate with him more but I'm afraid of what to say.
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
