well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[LoginName]

Hey Cat, I just thought of a way to describe detaching. It's like how I feel toward you. I care for you. I want to help you. I feel bad when things go wrong for you.

But, I'm detached from you. I can still sleep at night (sorry, I can), I can still have a good time with my kids.

Can you feel that way toward your H? Still care but not let it affect you too much?

Yes, if you start working on an R, you will need to become more attached, over time, but that can come later. Or never. Or with someone else.