While I know you're disappointed by your W's selfish and adolescent behavior, I'm very glad that your D's have at least one responsible, thoughtbul parent. You are doing right by them even if your W isn't--that's all you can do.
Thanks again Nut. It was kind of funny.. instead of watching the first half of the Indi game, I took the D's to the mall for lunch, carousel rides and hit the playland for a while.
MIL called to talk about kindergarten schedules and was surprised I wasn't watching the game. I'm sure it was a mistake, but I asked MIL if she had heard from W in the last 24 hours. I told her I didn't want a "You need to call jarhead" call, but I am genuinely concerned about her. MIL said it sounded strange and she would call W. I again told her that "I" didn't ask. MIL asked if I was trying to reach W to which I replied no.
So.. W finally calls. I didn't answer. I let D5 answer.. then D3 talked.. I thought she had hung up and asked D3 if she did, but I could hear W on the phone. When I got on she attacked me for hanging up on her yesterday and asked why I was avoiding her. I snapped.. I went off on how she blew off the girls. Her response was she had talked to them earlier in the day.. to which I replied was only because she missed them the night before. She then proceeded to tell me that I'm not allowed to hang up the phone without making sure she's done with me. WHATEVER!! I was too pissed.. there were several other parts to the conversation. Her basically spinning it to make her out to not be the bad guy.
So.. again I got sucked in. What do I care if she calls the D's or not? What do I care about anything she does? I shouldn't. She wants to be selfish, I need to let it go. Grrrrrr. I hate doing this.. I hate playing this game. What does it take to really, really let go? I think I'm 80% there, but then this crap happens. I'm playing right into her hand.
Define irony: I ordered the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" on the 31st and I'm still waiting for it to arrive. The place I bought it from gave me some lame excuse and said to let them know if it wasn't here by the end of this past week. Well.. it's Sunday evening and no book.
I'll be writing a somewhat terse message later this evening!!
You can't save her from herself Jar. You'll have to let her self-destruct. The really hard part is the effect that will have on your Ds. You keep doing the best you can and things will work out.
"Not allowed to hang up on her"--hehe you should have hung up on her when she said that. That would have been funny.
Yeah.. I guess what I've been struggling with is if I want to be with the person after she's done. I'm sure she won't be the same as before. Could be worse actually. D5 is writing her off.. I have no influence on that. She makes these little comments. It is hard.
I should have.. not sure what I said, but it was probably witty!
Yeah.. I guess what I've been struggling with is if I want to be with the person after she's done.
You have no control over who she becomes. You can only cross that bridge if/when you come to it. I'll bet that if that time ever comes, you'll know your answer then.
It must be really hard to watch your W screw up her relationship with your Ds. She is driving that train, and there isn't much you can do about it. It's a shame really, but she's the one that will pay the price eventually.
You care because you see the effect it is having on your D's. You have to deal with the 'Why hasn't Mummy called'...not her. You keep your promises and your D's will love you all the more for your stability.
My trip went very well. Had a great time, got hit on by some very attractive women and basically left Chicago feeling like I could take on the world!! This feeling carried into the weekend and I'm still feeling great.
Some little back and forth with the W. Got into it a little and she declined the dinner invitation last friday. She started to talk about how we couldn't be civil, etc, then I basically told her that I was too close to the situation and too close to her. That was my deal, not hers. I was backing waaaaay off. So far I've stuck to those guns.
Added some new clothes to spruce up the image which again has garnered great results. Even W mentioned the other day how good I looked. She then asked if she was pretty (I told her she was) and then she complained how OM never tells her that. Aww.. Prince Charming? No way!!
We did get into a little scuffle over money and stuff, but it blew over. Last night the D's had dance and we both went. It was fun.. we were flirty. Night didn't end all that well as W challenged a rule I applied on the girls.. that ticked me off. Then D3 was telling W she wanted "Mommy and Daddy at home". W had no response. D5 mentioned this the other day to W and she had no response then either. We did have a good conversation today though on her way to school.
So.. some other highlights:
Decided to be the bigger man when OM is around. Went to W's and instead of quickly leaving, I hung around. D3 did say "Daddy.. you don't like OM" when I walked in, but I laughed it off. OM went into another room and stayed there.
Have some real opportunities to do some things I've always wanted to do. Would boost me in work, home, life in general.
I'm very excited!! The only thing is to not get too hung up on what's going on with W. I felt that sensation last night as we left dance... "Is she going home.. is she going to OM's?" etc etc. I quickly blew it off and went on with life with me and the D's. As long as I can keep that up, I'll be fine!!
I felt that sensation last night as we left dance... "Is she going home.. is she going to OM's?" etc etc. I quickly blew it off and went on with life with me and the D's. As long as I can keep that up, I'll be fine!!
