Wife in Major MLC...Looking to Vent

[bombardier50]

Sleeper,
So true. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not my fault...easy to fall into that trap.

By the way, I'm starting to develop your sleep pattern. Eyes pop open at three a.m. then toss and turn to wakeup time. I'm hoping the AD's might help with this.

Bomb

[bombardier50]

I haven't been on the boards for awhile, but I just had a little sobbing session out in the woods behind the office, so it's probably time for me to do a little venting.

Things have been much better. We're talking like friends again. I haven't heard any MLC talk now in a few days. Last night we actually went out for a little dinner together. Still no physical affection of any kind. But we're talking. And she's coming home after work, and calling to tell me when she's coming home. That's a big improvement.

So...why was I sitting out in the woods balling my eyes out for 15 minutes? I don't know. Maybe I'm just exhausted from the uncertainty and fear. Maybe I'm mourning the loss of love and affection.

Sometimes the memories roll in like a tsunami and I'm swept away.

Sometimes I start second-guessing everything I've done the past 10 years...should I have retired from the military when I did?...was moving to the east coast the right thing to do?...did I make a mistake in my career choice?...etc., etc. I suppose I'm looking backwards to find something to blame...and there I go, blaming myself again. Hard not to do that.

Even though things seem to be improving, I know at any time things could go the other way. I'm having a great deal of trouble visualizing being happy on my own. For 23 years, my mental images of happiness always included her in the picture.

I'm hoping the AD's start working soon, but I've only been on them for a couple of weeks. Some days I have to force myself to concentrate, and work and hobbies don't interest me anymore, which, of course, makes it tough to GAL. I'm hoping when the AD's kick in, they'll help me cut through some of the pain-fog so I can function better.

Sometimes the thought that there are literally thousands of people out there experiencing the same pain is almost incomprehensible to me.

This is a pitiful and hellish existence. The only thing keeping me going is hope. Sometimes I wonder if hope is enough.

Bomb

[SirPrizeMe]

Hey Bomb,

So I got a short round of the "I don't knows". In case you haven't heard these they go something like this:
"I don't know what's going to happen to us. I just don't know. Maybe it was the kids that held us together. I don't know if I have the emotional energy to love you again. I just don't know."

I gently smiled and told her "I hear what you're sayinig and I know you feel uncertain about the future."

The rest of the evening was uneventful.

Would it be possible for you to take this even further? "I know you feel uncertain about the future" is a good start but it feels very businessy to me. Good but not enough. What about "Wow, that's a lot of worry. It sounds like it's really weighing you down. I can only imagine how hard this is for you." BE CAREFUL to leave yourself out of it. Don't say "it's hard for me, too."

practice practice practice.

And uh, bawling your eyes out for 15 minutes? Maybe for you military guys that's a big deal. For me that is par for the course. It's totally understandable that you're upset. Totally normal and expected. you're going through a very hard time.

[bombardier50]

Sir,
Thanks for the words...very good.

Thanks for lending support when you probably need some yourself. I was reading your thread. I'm stunned at your W's behavior with four little kids in the mix. My heart goes out to you.

Bomb