I know this feeling of confusion. But it's hard to want to be married to someone that you don't even recognize!
Sometimes it's like a light switch. Regular old W one hour, miserable, depressed and bitter W the next. Never really complains about me though - Talks a lot about other people and things that annoy her, but she doesn't all out tell me that I'm stressing her out or causing a problem.
I should probably quit grabbing her butt in bed though
Well, today I've not talked to W at all - There's some stuff I want/need to talk to her about, but it can wait until tonight. She hasn't spoken to me either, so we'll see what happens. Last night she said she wanted to make dinner for us because she was tired of going out places - Who knows if that will actually transpire or not. For someone who was hell bent on making sure I know we're not 'playing family' again, she sure is doing a lot of things to suggest otherwise. Hug/kiss/ILY when I left with D this morning.
Part of me is looking forward to moving into my own house again - As much as I love my W and enjoy living with her again, she's a disaster right now. Maybe one day she'll get her s**t together and start behaving like a normal person, but it'll be a while. I'm pretty confident that if/when OM falls off the planet, she'll be back into she and I again, but we'll see if I have the energy to stick it out that long.
I have no idea how to respond to what is going on in your situation. It is entirely foreign to me. Seriously, what is going on?
I think she's had sufficient time with you to have reached some sort of conclusion about whether she'd like to try with you. She hasn't let you go, but she hasn't made any real effort to seal the deal with you either. If I were you, I'd transition out of her place as quickly as possible. She isn't ready for a real relationship. I think some day she will be. Maybe you'll still be available when that happens. Continue what you are doing, but don't drag your feet about getting gone, even if you aren't all set up yet.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Your situation seems so agonizing. You seem so close to having her back, but yet so far.
I dont recommend it until you really are totally out of energy and patience, but there is Michelle's final last resort technique where you file for a D. It may be just the wake up call your W needs to get her act together. However, there would be no guarantee that she would not go back to being the depressed person she is now if the D was stopped.
I have no idea how to respond to what is going on in your situation. It is entirely foreign to me. Seriously, what is going on?
As far as I can tell, W is playing 'wait and see' with OM - He's still not made it obvious to her if he actually wants a relationship with her or not. You'd think after six months, she'd get the hint. The guy even cycles in and out of other relationships and doesn't do anything with W, yet she still clings to the hope like an idiot.
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
I think she's had sufficient time with you to have reached some sort of conclusion about whether she'd like to try with you. She hasn't let you go, but she hasn't made any real effort to seal the deal with you either. If I were you, I'd transition out of her place as quickly as possible. She isn't ready for a real relationship. I think some day she will be. Maybe you'll still be available when that happens. Continue what you are doing, but don't drag your feet about getting gone, even if you aren't all set up yet.
Well, things are certainly a lot better between us - We don't fight, argue or anything. She's extra sensitive to a lot of things, but sometimes I can get away with pushing her a bit and seeing what happens.
I'm planning on going my own way as quickly as possible - Probably won't be for another two weeks or so. Unless she's doing a really good job of hiding it, she's not hating having me around.
Your situation seems so agonizing. You seem so close to having her back, but yet so far.
I think a lot of the anger and frustration has gone from both sides, but she's not in any mental place to commit to anything right now. She can hardly handle day to day activities without forgetting things, running out of money, or just being so late that nothing gets done.
Originally Posted By: KerryK
I dont recommend it until you really are totally out of energy and patience, but there is Michelle's final last resort technique where you file for a D. It may be just the wake up call your W needs to get her act together. However, there would be no guarantee that she would not go back to being the depressed person she is now if the D was stopped.
I don't think filing would get me anywhere right now - I think she'd be pretty confused as to why I was doing it, but I don't think she'd suddenly change her ways overnight. You really can't 'shake' someone out of depression - She needs the time to work through it and figure herself out. At least from where I'm standing, she's so much worse off now than she was a year ago. Things were not perfect, but at least she seemed like she was having fun and had a consistent routine that worked for her - Now she just drifts from day to day and never really does much.
I'll probably hold off on D until she either ends up so out of control I don't want anything to do with her (I don't see that happening - I can't see why she'd get significantly worse all of a sudden), or there is a compelling personal reason to file. The D wouldn't really change a whole lot, plus I think me filing would send her the wrong message. Maybe one day it would come to that, but I don't see W filing any time soon either.
W finally IMed me to talk about arrangements tonight and things - Really friendly, chatty and nice. We talked for maybe half an hour about nothing, but it was interesting that she finally decided to take to me after a day of silence. I guess we'll see how this evening goes.
Interesting...Brit. I'm dying to know what she wants to talk about...
She was just talking about what we were doing tonight - Who was going to pick up D (she tried to bribe me into picking her up, even though I was going to anyway), plus she had some tax questions - I think she's desperate for the refund to come through so she actually has some spare cash.
She has been talking to OM on IM all evening - D and I went out to do stuff. I'd smack her in the head if I thought it would do any good.
What is it about the OM that so attracts your W? I remember you said he was very young and a total loser. There must be something about him that your W prefers over you. Or is it just that he is someone that is hard to get or she cant have and it makes her want him more.
It kind of reminds me of the part of the TV series Lonesome Dove where the pregnant character Ellie leaves her good husband who is a sheriff of an Arkansas town to head out west to refind her true love who turns out to be a gun slinger/murderer. He gets hung the day after she finds him. She then ends up getting killed by Indians on the war path shortly afterwards. Why would a woman leave a good man to be with a bad man?
