Dom, honey, I have not chosen SH!T! H is an independent contractor/business owner - he works or he doesn't get paid. I have a very family friendly job that happens to have an hour commute each way. However, I have flexible hours, can do some working from home and am able to leave work for sick kids, maternity leaves, generous vacations etc.... Again, it is my H who places all the children waaaaaaaay above me, himself or the marriage. I have NO issue having a regular date night or stealing off the bedroom for a quickie or getting my parents to keep the kids for a weekend alone. My H can once or twice a year manage the weekend and once in a while manage a dinner alone. Anything that takes place within the walls of our home that has to do with anyone else - family, friends, relatives, the community association, church etc...takes a priority level above me, him and us together. I have asked, begged etc.... I have NOT contributed to this mess of obligation other than by having the babies that he so badly wanted. Believe me, I can juggle my family and our lives together but that would require H arranging his priorities to match. In our pre-marital survey the single item in which we had significant disagreement was the item of whether the kids come before the marriage or the marriage before the kids. I put the marriage first - he was non-plussed. So, he asked around. Most Moms also put the kids first so he felt vindicated. One of the couples who both put the kids first had one of them die within a year of him asking that question of them. Know what? He learned nothing from that. Here was this woman who had nursed her sick husband for years, they had 3 kids together whom they put first to the exclusion of themselves (they had never had a vacation alone since the honeymoon) and "someday" never came. I got it Dom. He didn't.
