Sara, thank you again! So generous of you to share your story, and so perceptive of you to pinpoint my present emotional malaise. Yes, I think that's what it is, a letting down of long-suppressed feelings once the danger seems like it might be past and relationship begins to get back on track.
H and I had a nice conversation last evening, our regular scheduled Monday 5:30pm phone call. H very upbeat, assiduously staying away from the heavy-duty emotional stuff related to my Friday meltdown, as if his email of Monday morning put that definitively into the past and we were going steadily forward. And I was happy to follow his lead!
I stay away from OR talk -- EMA disclosure questions are a different thing as far as I'm concerned, and also need to be scheduled and agreed to ahead of time -- but H actually volunteered something along that line, for the first time since the marriage blew up. He said our new relationship is reciprocal, that he looks forward to seeing me as I look forward to seeing him. He also said that our meetings are so much more relaxed and enjoyable now compared to when we first started reconciliation encounters. I wholeheartedly agreed: "Around Thanksgiving I noticed how easy it was to be together, it was like old times, as if none of this had happened, but better, because not so dreary now."
There was a dreariness the last few years of the marriage, a boredom, as if we were in a holding pattern. There was never any conflict in the marriage, we always got along very well, but we were spending more and more time/activities away from one another, not taking part in one another's life that much. H responded to my observation: "It's much better now." We have fun now -- we schedule more fun now!! We are more intentional about the relationship now. It was as if we got a good car back in 1990 and didn't bother doing regular maintenance on it.
