Sorry Kimmie! The only problem I see with contesting a divorce is that is can make divorce proceedings bitter. It can stir up anger and resentment from the other side. Honestly, I have no advice. 3mos is such a small amount of time. I take the advice of having the attorney hold things and order MC.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Kimmie, I live a bit north of Seattle, too, and can understand your fear and frustration at the "no-fault" divorce. When my H and I separated, there was an unbelievable amount of rancor. He absolutely refused to talk to me or see me. Our only communication was via e-mail, and let me tell you, they were not loving, to say the least. I was SURE we would be divorced in 91 days. We had no child custody issues, and our assets were always separate. So, there were no issues to deal with to complicate the divorce.
But even that little amount of time can work wonders. I can't say that we are doing well with our marriage. We're not. As a matter of fact, I have had to go dark again, after seeing him warm a little. But the point is, we have been apart for 8 months now, he did warm a little, and we are still not divorced.
Use your 90 days wisely. - Get a good counselor, who is truly pro-marriage. - Quit blaming others for the failure of your marriage. Everyone in your family played a part- even you. Look at your contribution. As the LBS, it is sometimes easy to play the "victim", but in reality, if we had changed ONE action, reaction or attitude... where would we be today? It's a question we can't answer, because it is not the road we took. But we can look at the road we took, see where it got us, and decide to change our course from here on out. - GAL. Do something new. Something good for yourself. Commit to a walk everyday (okay, that's a joke... look where we live!). But do something new that you didn't do while you were living with H. - And do something kind for someone else. Without expectation of reward.
When 90 days have elapsed, you will be a better, happier person. Whether you are D or not.
I may try the DB coaching since I can't afford to get another therapist. The one I was seeing was rather reasonably priced. You get what you pay for, right?
I have taken some responsibility for my part in the split when I wrote the note to H about my part in the step-d problem. There is more I can do.
H asked to come over to look for some papers he can't find, so I could be helpful as hell and cheerful as well. At first, I was thinking I wouldn't let him come over and was going to tell him I didn't think it was appropriate anymore since he left. And besides, I never ask to come to his place. I don't even ask where he lives and I know he took a lot of papers that I need.
I guess when he comes, I could put on a pot of coffee and be civil, but not overly eager.
I realized it was H's B-Day this morning and thought I would give him a call on his cell at work to say a quick Happy B-Day......Problem is, I woke him out of a sound sleep. SH!T!!!!! I forgot that today was his day off!!!!
Anyway, H sounded sleepy, and annoyed, but I apologize profusely, wish H a good one, and say good-bye.
Sigh......is this what you call a "backslide"???? I am desperately trying to put a positive spin on this faux pas, but I caaaaannttt!!!! Whaaaa!!!! I thought I was doing ok.....LOL!!!!
Even if you woke him up, calling on his birthday is not backsliding. It shows you still care and that is a good thing. I would recommend you do the chipper charlie, pot-of-coffee thing when he comes over. If he has a nice time being around you,that may stick in the back of his mind as he contemplates what is to come for you guys....
