It is like we are good business partners with our best friend. The only "reasons" we aren't seeing each other are very good ones. I am the "night parent" of the baby who still doesn't sleep that well - after putting him down at 8:30pm, I usually hear from him again at 12pm, 2am and 4am (sometimes he skips the 2am) and then my alarm rings at 6am for work and I return home around 6pm to get dinner, do homework with kids, bathe and put kids to bed etc.... H is the "teenager parent" - while I am doing all of that he helps DS16 with AP or Honors everything, hauls him back and forth from scouts and his job and conducts the driving lessons. His wake up time varies becauase of the nature of his work and most nights he is up until midnight or so with DS16 - after they do homework they watch South Park and such. Besides all of that H has accepted a great deal more out of town work than usual and so he travels 2 or three times a month for a couple of day stints. Even if he is in town there are evening trainings for organizations, Board meetings and so forth. I end up trying valiantly to stay up and hang out with H and DS sometimes and inevitably end up asleep on the couch until the baby calls the next time.
We are compatible to the extent that we each do our end and then some. We don't require the other person to pick up slack very much. We are friendly. Unfortunately, the very real lack of time together has fed the disconnection that was already going on.
So, if things are so bad when would you have sex or show desire you might ask......... well, he could come to bed early with me a few times a week for starters, he could give me a kiss and a grope when we pass each other going from one thing to the next and when we find ourselves unexpectedly alone (happens once in a while - kids napping, playing and gone to work all at once) he might start a real conversation or start a snuggle or something. None of that happens. H says he needs time to "decompress" so he takes that right out of the ONLY time we might be able to carve out together.
Some of this stuff will pass. DS16 will be able to drive (too soon) and will be able to get himself to and from work someday. DS9mos will sleep someday. Blah. Blah. Blah.
How do I know he loves me? Recently we had an icky wintery mix that went on for several hours in the middle of the work day. H had left me like 14 phone messages when I was unreachable on the phone. He wanted me to come home and when I was in a meeting so long that the roads were even worse he sent me to stay with my parents since they live closer by and further South where it was only rain. The cynic in me wants to think that his real concern was for the babies (they commute with me every day and go to daycare by my office) and not me but it isn't fair or reasonable to think this way.
Currently, the kisses that I get are during the part of church where you do "peace be with you" - H kisses me on the lips and says he loves me. That works for me or your Aunt Myrtle if you were really close to her.
