So H called at 9:45 last night. Told me he was coming home soon, he was doing some digging and thinks he knows why his job is in danger. Told him I was working on a teaching app. for a full-time job bc the district website for our town posted 4 elementary vacancies today. I want to be on top of the job hunt thing!
When H got home, I was knee-deep in application paperwork. He actually stopped and stood in the kitchen w/me and talked to me about what was going on--he used to do that but hasn't in quite a while. Basically while H was in Denver on vacation, boss thought he was off interviewing w/a rival company (H found out through the typical office grapevine). So I guess they are trying to "break up" with him before he "dumps" them, that's one way to put it. So he basically spent the evening doing detective work, then trying to network to find a new job. He said no matter how the talk w/Big Boss (Boss'Boss) goes today, he is getting out. Stepping up the job search big time. Doesn't want to deal w/their sh!t anymore. I did my best to listen and affirm what he was saying, didn't tell him what to do or debate anything he said. I encouraged him on getting a different job, told him I want him to find something that will make him happy. [I think a ton of OUR problems are actually related to his anger/frustration/hatred of his job situation.] I also told him I thought he would really like the move to Omaha bc he could build a house on his parents' farm (something he has always wanted to do, even before we got married he said it was his dream that WE (as a family) could build on the farm someday). Then he says, "I know you are applying for jobs here but there is a real possibility I am moving to Omaha." Notice he said I not WE. I asked soon or not soon, he said if it happens it will be very soon (within 6-8 weeks). Then he mentions that he put the furniture on hold until Thurs. and has until today to decide on the apartment. WTF? He LIED to both places telling them his flight was canceled in Denver and he hadn't gotten back in town yet. It frustrates me that he lies over unimportant things, he could have told the apt. his job was in danger and he didn't know if he'd have the $ to rent it. Part of our issue is his seeming need to lie about things big and small. He acknowledges that for the most part so I did NOT bring it up last night since I was glad he was sharing w/me.
I did offer one opinion, I said if you may be moving soon I would hesitate to move in on a 6 month lease, then move after 1 month and have to pay the rest of the lease anyway. He said, "I know, that is why I held off. I will decide today after talking to BigBoss."
I didn't want him to think I was pressuring him to stay w/me,so I reminded him of his earlier plan to live w/a bachelor buddy from work and said he could always do that. He said "Maybe" but I could tell from his face and body language he is NOT interested in moving in w/someone else.
Then he went downstairs to get on the computer & look up a buddy of ours from Canda, we used to live in Wichita at the same time while they both worked for another company. I came down to get paperwork for my application, and heard their banter. He sounded like the "Real Husband", no alien in sight. I made a few witty comments about the guy he was talking to and he relayed them to the guy--"Bobbi says sorry I woke you up....Bobbi says she figured you'd be passed out by now", etc., referencing me to his friend (something we always used to do). H has always liked my smart-a$$ sense of humor and witt/sarcasm. So for him to pick up on it and share it again like he used to felt awesome.
SOOO, why am I writing? I have a question.
On one hand, my H has complained in the past of me not being supportive enough when he is having a hard time, ESPECIALLY job troubles. So, should I be supportive of the job situation? I know he doesn't want me to help with the actual job search, but should I send him encouraging TMs, like today bc he is meeting with Big Boss? Or a message that just says I am thinking of you, hope your situation works out, something like that? But I don't want to pursue and chase him away. Just want him to know I support him.....
On the other hand, I am getting so tired of the see-saw routine. "I am not getting the apartment, I might get the apartment, I stopped the furniture, I might get the furniture (he says we can always use it at the house, no need to cancel even if he doesn't move. Like we need 2 kitchen tables?!)." And to say "I am moving to Omaha". Of course I asked if that meant me & the kids and he said he assumed so. But what, would he live with his parents and me and the kids with my parents (we are both from the same hometown 30 min. from Omaha)? Would we still be separating? Just bc he moves doesn't fix anything w/us.
My sister this morning suggested I apply for jobs here in the KC area, and back in my hometown. Then stay wherever I get a FT job bc if it doesn't work out w/H, I need a way to support myself. So I thought about telling H that I was applying for jobs in both places and would stay wherever I got one since he didn't know if I fit in his future plans. Guess that would be viewed as a bit of an ultimatum though since he'd have to commit to trying to R with me if he wanted me to live where he lived? But that is what is so frustrating, he has already TOLD me he wants to "work on" our M, to "try to fix" our M. But yet he wants to move out?
At this exact time, what should I do? Be supportive of his needs while he figures out his job and living arrangements? Or just move forward with my own job hunt, taking care of me, which means I may get a job 2 1/2 hours away from H? Even if we end up with the Big D, I don't really want us that far apart for the sake of easier, more frequent visitation opportunities.Thanks for suggestions!!
