well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[RedHeadWife]

Hey sweet girl. I'm going to be brutally honest here and I am so sorry that I feel the need to say this, but I think you are being more destructive to yourself and your children by *allowing* your H to stick around. He is NOT going to help himself and he is NOT going to get through this until HE ENDS UP HAVING TO HELP HIMSELF. Right now, you are being an enabler. You are actually HELPING him to keep up this mess of a life he is living.

I truly know that, deep in your heart, you know that you are kind of making excuses as to why to allow him to stay around.

I really think you need to flat out kick him out and tell him not to come back until he is good and ready to stand up, be the man, husband and father he can be, but until then to keep his mess away from you & the kids.

I hate it that it has come to this, girl, but you have stood & stood by him and he's just allowing you to *help* him to continue to keep doing what he's been doing. He has absolutely NO REASON to change anything right now. I think he needs to hit bottom BY HIMSELF (or w/ OW if need be) and see what he has done to himself & his family and what he has become before he is going to wake up. I honestly don't think he can do this while still in the house and while still having a loving wife "taking care of" him.

Now, all of this is easy for me to say. I am just looking in and I don't have to do the hard work of kicking my H to the curb, but I honestly think you need to do some long, hard thinking. You have been in this mess for a long time; sometimes drama keeps life interesting, but this drama has got to stop. You need to focus on you and the children and making a good life for you guys and that is not going to happen when H continues to behave the way he is.