Wow, our situations are so similar. I believe the answer is time, in time this will pass. Right now, the more you try and fight your demons the worse it gets.
My wife and I have been separated for 4 months and are working on finalizing our divorce. It has been absolutely brutal. Our issue centers around how each of us changed during the course of our marriage. In the beginning, I was the dominant one, I worked, she took care of the baby, life was pretty traditional. A few years later, my industry took a nose dive and my wife and I started a business which she ran. Her business took off and our relationship changed dramatically. She gained an incredible sense of independence and we had a real hard time getting on equal ground as a team. I felt that she was unable to establish proper work/life balance and this became the source of many heated discussions.
I agreed to counseling, but as you have learned, my W blamed me for everything. She was sooooo angry. I committed to doing anything possible to save our family, but it was too late.
At the moment, each day is a bit of a struggle. Some are much better than others. For the past month or so, I have really beat myself up with the "what ifs" and that has led to a bit of depression and anxiety. Nothing too bad, but it's there.
I am hoping the fog is about to lift as I really gave my ex my side of the story yesterday. Fortunately, she did listen. It felt good.
Hang in there Ellis. It's got to get better for us.
