Something really strange happened after I wrote my last post. it's almost as if my wife read Jen's post and came downstairs to tell me what I need to improve on. Well, this is not how she put it. It was more like "I feel very guilty about what is going on and maybe because of that I am mad at you or trying to be mad at you even though I know you are the best person I have ever met"" I told you guys I wasn't all bad:-), Anyhow, I just listened and validated for a good 30 minutes (man was that hard). Here goes; since she was always told she was worthless until she was 16 and then left home, she feels that she continuously needs to be put on a pedestal and or be told that she is good. Instead in the last couple of years she did not feel that she was important to me. Now nothing is further from the truth as far as I am concerned but she did give me some examples of situations and she is right. i understand why she would feel that way. When she was finished I told her I understand why she feels that way but there is only one part that I don't understand, why this hurdle can not be overcome. She replied that her love for me has been transformed (she did admit that she still has feelings for me). I told her that in my opinion it is normal to have peaks and valleys in a relationship and also that we can not expect to have the heart going boom boom boom all the time. Finally I concluded with "you have changed a great deal since we met, mostly for the better but also in some cases not. I guess the same is true of me. The difference is that when you love someone, you are able to look over the negatives and concentrate on the positives. I am able to do that that is why i can say that I still love you today as much as I did if not more than when i met you". We hugged a little she wiped her tears, thanked me for listening and went to bed. I don't know what to make of it other than the fact that she feels very guilty. I think that I still have a shot at a ne R with W...it's up to me.
PS. I need to read that love languages book. I feel I give love by doing things or being of service and my language is physical love. Again I have not read the book. she on the other hand needs to ne praised and told she is good. I am not 100 sure how she gives love though. Maybe someone can help me with this.
