Thankyou FA - so much for your response - I cant tell you how comforting it was - to know that there are people who know - really know what I am going through - the depression, the lonliness, that lost feeling - the pain of watching your D go through her changes too. I hope to get where you are some day even though I know as you said you are in your own new situation getting to know your H again and also having to explain to your D for your H that he might not show up. Yes, I do not mention my H at all to my D. She does not ask about him. SHe has probably realized this is the way it is - I live with Mommy and see Daddy every now and then. I have thought to sit her down and tell her that Daddy loves ber but is just really busy right now and will see you soon but I cant bring myself to be his cheerleader when he has been so cruel to us even though I know it would be in the best interest of my D to assure her - so she does not mention him so neither do I. No I am not counting on him and will just go ahead and pick her up every day at aftercare whether he comes or not.
Originally Posted By: fooled again
You miss your H, but the H you miss is someone that exists only in your mind. How would you be living your life if your H was dead? Maybe that's the way to get through this. The man you knew and loved, your H the way you thought of him, he IS dead and he will never return. If your H does come back ever, he will be a different man completely, you will be a different woman completely, and your M will be completely different. It can never be the same, even if it can be fixed.
I realize now that for a long time, my H and I probably had an idea of each other in our minds that wasn't real, wasn't accurate. We lost touch w/ each other and we stopped communicating and didn't see the changes we each were going through, and b/c of that we had no idea who the other was becoming. But the image in my mind of my H hadn't changed.
I miss my old life, the one where I was a SAHM, everything was safe and good and I had no worries. I do mourn the loss of that life, but that's doesn't help me, so I have to push those feelings aside and concentrate on my life the way it is now.
FA
This was a really powerful statement you made. Its true - it will never be the same - I dont know him anymore. I do keep thinking of the man I knew when I miss him. I dont miss this H. I am definetly not the same. I have changed in so many ways - physically and mentally. I do not trust as I did, do not have confidence at all, and look at life very differently. I dont think you can go through something like this and not change. My H fell in love with me when I was 20 yrs old - a thin attractive woman who liked to to have fun and go out dancing. He fell out of love with a mother and housewife. I fell in love with a 27 year old sweet man who made me laugh - now he is a selfish cruel jerk who is trying to get back what he had with me when I was 20 - that fun and excitement of being single and falling in love . IT will never be the same between us I suppose if he ever did reconsider which I'm pretty sure he wont its been too many months. Maybe that is also why I feel so low lately - reality is setting in and hope is really gone.
Your Second paragraph - Yes that is exactly how I see what happened to me and my H.
I think also why I feel so down is those days are gone being at home with my D - it just represents a time that I will never get back when she was so little and needed me and now I will never get that time again - seeing her get off the bus and spending so much time with her. I guess also that was my life wife and mother and now I am no longer a wife and was told by my H in an argument "you were a lousy wife" and now I am no longer needed so much by my D. Shes growing up and becoming more independent. My H really did a number on me with my self esteem. It was not too great to begin with but he put me down when he left I know to make himself feel better at what he was doing but those words play in my head like a tape recorder - " I left because of you" He was very critical about everything - my weight at the time, my personality - I was no fun and negative - my role as a housewife - I should have taken it upon myself to go back to work without him telling me he did not want me to stay home - Its has all been so overwhelming - all of the changes. Ill just keep taking it one day at a time - that all you can do right?
