Originally Posted By: ann25
sometimes i get a response like this...

M: i'd really like it if you'd do XYZ
H: what's wrong with ABC

I normally try to say
M: It's not that there is anything wrong with ABC, just thought we could try XYZ...

he tends to take it as i'm not happy with ABC, which honestly, i'm probably not.


Then he's sabotaging your hapiness together, by digging out negativity and focusing on it.

Sounds like you have no other choice, then, but to talk to him directly about that, and ask him to stop doing that sort of thing.
You cant make things more positive between the two of you, if what he is doing, is directly working against that.

You probably will need to point out that you dont think he's doing it deliberately; but, deliberately or not, he needs to STOP focusing on the negative, and allow the both of you to enjoy positives, to allow your marriage to heal.


oh. PS:

Quote:
I know what i used to want, but those things now kinda kill it for me cause of the whole lack of desire/attraction thing. I feel lost.


"Just do it" ;\)
you too, may have a "focusing on the negatives" problem.
Find something POSITIVE in "those things" for you to focus on, and do them anyway. maybe it'll help.




Last edited by Dom R; 01/22/08 06:32 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle