Fish - your right - its just so hard not to say "what if" - yes I do keep reminding myself it was his choice to leave without working on the M. Its just very hard. He cut my self esteem down so low and blamed me for everything that I was not and that the OW was. He told me "I left becuase of you". And has taken no blame upon himself for the affair and choice to leave the M. Has not admitted becuase he is 47 and possibly have a MLC and an affair and has gotten bored with married life and wants to be single that that has anything to do with it. He just says - it was you. How can I not blame myself when someone tells you that. I know in reality it is not me - it was 50/50 fault in lack of communication and that he made that choice to go out of the marriage instead of opening his mouth and thinking of giving everything hes got before walking out on his M and his D but everyday those words pop in my head and the pain is unbearable - "I left becuase of you". He told me that I was a fat complaining negative housewife. Which I have talked to many other housewives and my "complaints and negativity" are no different than what they experience in their marriage. Now I am a thin working mother - but alone, and dumped - thrown away like garbage - thats how I feel. How do you fight the demons in your head and build yourself up and "GAL" when you feel like your life is ending not beginning. Its so hard to move on and not blame myself. Were we really that bad? NO But how do you stop FEELING your were really that bad?
