well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

and my Everest has reached new heights, more hearache for me ...
Long story short, i find yet another phone, in a nutshell, H never really broke it with ow, she's always thought we were separated, he promised her an R after a D, never gave her the goodbye letter, the 600$ for car repairs he owed her? went to her mortage, because "she was in a real bad place"...
I have now become those people whom you shake your heads at and wonder why she is a sucker for punishments...because i still love him, and for the kids. This was supposed to be "it", if I ever found out I said, well... He's been in contact with her, mostly because she threaten to use some compromising picts of the two of them to his work and the world, he panicked, got a phone 'cause she said so, and was living a double life... yet again, afraid of loosing his job, half ass trying to see if we could work things out (the C told him in 2 sessions how we wouldn't have a chance w/ow in the pict, was very specific)

H is in a real real bad place, even worse than before, still cares so much about her regardless everything and dies at the thought of telling her truth, bears responsability for her selling herself (she told him how she'd be ruined for any R because of him). He thinks she's just sad and confused, some emails he read (snooping) told of her being "disgusted and sad" with having sex for money, H feels she is just a poor soul he wanted to help.
He went to see his C, at that point he talked of S for his own good and how messed up he was and that perhaps an S would help, things were up in the air about us until after the C.
Then he came home and insisted on giving her 600$, supposedly he broke it w/her over the phone (despite my telling him i wouldnt' take him back unless we both face her), he wants to give her one more chance to "right" herself, that his conscience will be at peace if he does this one thing for her, that way she wont' sell herself for at least two months and that he wouldnt' care what she'd do next, that he'd cut all contact. At one point, told me how he'd try to work thngs out w/me and wouldn't go back to her, that he just wanted the pain to end. I said no of course, he is adamant, talked about how he'd do it and make up for it later, that she could have that, that he'd be with me and never contact here again.
I reasoned w/him that there was no tellign when she'd come back for more $$, that it was an awful idea. He backtracked and said he couldnt' make the call (me listening to him saying there was no divorce and him staying w/me) that he was not strong enugh, that he lead her on for months and he felt responsible 4 her.

Ok, too much was said, but in the end he's still here, not totally clear yet were we stand, we are going to C on Thusday, not soon enough, not that i expect a silver bullet there, but for H to see that his reasoning is still faulty, H knows this but in regards to ow he's trying to make it so she won't hurt.

Lord give me patience and wisdom, i feel like i've aged years, this is a never ending nightmare.