I think I'm going to add a creative project to my bucket list. I will make an art film with 200 very short scenes recreating my marriage but at the end of each scene the actress playing me will say "You're a dick head. Leave." at each juncture where I should have said it in real life. I think it will be quite empowering.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Mojo to the extent he was sexual for 19 years Did you mean "to the limited extent" or something like that?
From what I remember about 7th. grade boys, it was let me cop a feel and get in her pants. It was about them because the hormones were so strong.
How about think more like wanting a 25 year old man that wants you. some maturity and more resources to take care of you, him, and the situation.
Seventh grade boys need to ask mom and dad for money to go out on dates.
I can hear it now. "Hay dad, I have this hottie and I need $50 so we can fool around. Dad, I will let you know how it turns out if you give me the $50."
(Kett( You can keep things on a seasonal level until your kids are older, then see if you're interested in a lifetime pass....
Any woman who would keep things at a seasonal level that long would be very invested in the R, whereas I wouldn't allow myself to get very invested in the R. The very act of me not getting very invested is quite likely to trigger her, or at least allow her, to become more invested. In engineering speak, it's an inherently unstable equilibrium.
(Lil) Burg, if your kids played in a band every single Wednesday night and on one particular Wednesday night, you saw a stranger get hit by a car, there was no one else to accompany the stranger to the ER, AND the person's life was in danger, I would expect you to go to the ER.
And I would, and my boys would have no problem with that. But that was my choice without expectation. I can't have anyone sitting at home with a reasonable expectation that if something happens they can call me. The scenario doesn't have to be an emergency, it could be anything a woman would expect her boyfriend to support her in with his presence. A function for work, a meaningful birthday, a family visit, whatever.
Beyond that, I'd break pre-existing plans if I had an unexpected opportunity to be with the kids (interestingly, I don't necessarily break other pre-existing plans that I make...I deserve to have a life. I'm just not going to let another relationship out prioritize my relationship with the boys, not at this point). Beyond even that, I think there's decent possibility that I'll have primary custody of the kids within two years.
Any woman who would put up with all that uncertainty is someone who really digs me. I have a certain fondness for people who really dig me and I don't like to see them get hurt. I especially don't like to be the instrument of their hurt.
My bf told me from day one that his kids and his mom would always come first.
I'm not willing to get into a serious relationship with anybody until I'm also willing to put them first, at least occasionally.
(Mojo) I want everything to be light and romantic.
I don't blame you a bit. I think you're crazy because your recent trend is to get involved with men who want to make the R heavier than you require.
Last edited by Burgbud; 01/22/0803:17 AM.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
The very act of me not getting very invested is quite likely to trigger her, or at least allow her, to become more invested.
Could you explain why you believe this to be true?
Originally Posted By: Burgbud
I'm not willing to get into a serious relationship with anybody until I'm also willing to put them first, at least occasionally.
Well, there you go, then. Although it seems like, potentially, a divorced or widowed woman with kids of her own might function perfectly well in that kind of relationship without getting hurt if you guys really dug each other; I mean, she'd have her own priorities as well. But that doesn't really matter, because it sounds like another serious emotional relationship is not what you're looking for in the forseeable future. Guess that means making lots of new friends -- which approach has much to recommend it -- or all wolf all the time.
Myself, being the sexually-bonded type, I am extremely skeptical about the ability to *maintain* wolf-exclusive relationships ... or the desirability of developing that ability. But that's me and naturally YMMV.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
From what I remember about 7th. grade boys, it was let me cop a feel and get in her pants. It was about them because the hormones were so strong.
How about think more like wanting a 25 year old man that wants you. some maturity and more resources to take care of you, him, and the situation.
Well, one thing that limits the world view of most men, IMO, is that they are inclined to view most other men/boys as jerks or wimps. Probably has something to do with sports. I remember 7th grade boys as being sweet.
Also, you may recall that the man I am currently dating is a successful professional with no dependents so he has way more money than me. The good thing is that now that I have my new cute little apartment (which my D16 loved and pronounced "charming" when she saw it because the stove is tiny and the door to her room is huge and it has tall old-fashioned windows etc.)which I really can afford on my income, I am once more financially independent. Therefore, when a man says something semi-braggy about money, I can signal with pride "Well, I have the charming, semi-bohemian, interesting lifestyle of the gentile impoverished self-employed book dealer. Please come over and I will fix you a cup of tea on my tiny stove and let you rummage through my stacks."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
(Mojo) I want everything to be light and romantic.
I don't blame you a bit. I think you're crazy because your recent trend is to get involved with men who want to make the R heavier than you require.
You have to understand that due to the male tendency towards "chasing" if I try to keep a relationship "light" I will frequently get the opposite reaction. OTOH, if I start folding a guys laundry and telling him that "I really like him." he will either disappear on me or I will find myself in an actual "heavy" relationship. I really don't want to play games in my relationships but the maddening thing is that even if you are both self-aware and everything is spelled out human reflexive psychological reactions can't be avoided. For instance, if I said "Don't think that this means that I want to be in a relationship with you." as I started folding a guy's laundry, all I've done is slightly modified/mitigated cow behavior by changing it into meta-cow behavior.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It seems to me that now that there all these courses, TV shows etc. teaching men how to bring out their inner wolf, the monkey-girls are pretty much left undefended. Therefore, I was pondering on the following classic monkey dilemma.
Wolf: (with assertive confidence)Peel your banana.
Monkey: (with defiant attitude) Why should I?
Wolf: Because you know that you want to.
...and Monkey is taken down in two swift moves. So does anyone have any suggestions for how Monkey can avoid/conquer this dilemma? Please remember that any suggestions that involve bringing in other animals or morphing Monkey into another animal will not count as solutions. Therefore, it is a given that Monkey actually does want to peel the banana. That is the nature of Monkey.
This is a serious issue that I have encountered enumerable times in my life (including last night on the phone with FSG-sigh)with minor variations so let's all get our thinking caps on. I have to go make some money but I'll be back later today to check in on your progress.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
"Well, I have the charming, semi-bohemian, interesting lifestyle of the gentile impoverished self-employed book dealer. Please come over and I will fix you a cup of tea on my tiny stove and let you rummage through my stacks."
I was pretty much following this thread until this sentence shook me. Did you really mean "gentile," or were you perhaps thinking "genteel" or "gentle" or something else?
