Don't Push!!! A Newbies MUST Read.

[mymonkeybug]

Grace-

It is very tough to not blame H right now for causing all this. I know our marriage was not perfect, hell none are, but in this case I really never saw anything coming. H says he was good at acting and simply couldn't keep doing it anymore when I asked him where this all was coming from. He I have realized now looking back on our marriage was never a communicator and hence my shock when he left. I have explained to him that since he has left I have done some soul searching and realize where my faults lie and admit that they could have very well led him to the choice he made of walking out but that I will never know for sure unless you help me H by talking to me and he of course says he doesn't know anything other than he is happier away.

So the kids, well they know daddy doesn't love mommy and that is why he decided to leave. Confusing to me because how do you leave claiming the ILYBNILWY line when just days before you literally made passionate love to your wife??? Anyway, the kids are damaged goods right now and I try to boost their spirits and help them talk about this and work through it and when I feel I am at an end I call H and ask his opinion and help and I get the let me talk to S8 deal and he tells him not to treat mommy and sister this way and if you need to be angry or yell at someone call me because I did this and it is all my fault, blame me for your feelings. I don't say anything negative about H to the kids and reassure them always that he is daddy and still loves them very much and that this is a problem between mommy and daddy but S8 more so than D5 is destroyed by this all and is right now feeling the hatred and resentment towards daddy that he is. And these feelings are something I don't feel should be hidden from H. He needs to know the destruction his choice to WALK OUT has caused with regards to the kids. He of course feels I believe that I am making it up since S8 won't talk to him or that I am preventing S8 from talking to him. I know H well enough to assume to know what he is thinking right now.

I know H will never be able to heal and come out of this MLC/depression if I don't stop with all this but when it comes to these issues involving the kids I simply can't do it alone and need his help. He walked out of the family situation but will never be able to be completely free of his daddy duties and regardless of his need for seclusion and soul searching these kids are devestated and I need his assistance in helping them get through this. It would be more wrong of me I believe to not include him in all this and then in 5 years or 10 years have S or D blow up then at daddy when they really hate him and despise him and him be hurt and angered that he didn't know this sooner.