Matilda, PS, and Jak, We had a cycle of turbulence and recovery again. My W wanted to take me to a moderately expensive restaurant. Since she is not working at this time, except for her PT cooking job, I offered to "let her off the hook."
It backfired. It caused a reaction about money and feeling poor and powerless. She was angry with me the entire evening, and vented again to her sister about what a terrible H I am.
Part of her emotional "meltdown" involved again the theme of regret for not having children. She told me that she went to Florida in 03' with the intent of finding someone to have a child with. I didn't ask her why she came back. She did not tell me at the time that this was why she left.
I asked her why she was not more adamant about having children in the early years of our M. I was ambivalent about having children, and she told me at the time that I wasn't father material due to my intimacy issues. I needed a woman to build up my confidence that I could handle such an undertaking. Yet, the paradox is that, in hindsight, she wanted me to take the lead and put the pieces in place that would allow for us to have children. I feel badly for her pain, but she will have to accept it at some point.
The other perpetual issue is money. I told her that I would update my resume, and test the market and see if I can increase my salary. I told her that I will only take a position if it's something in my field that I would enjoy. I'm going to hold my ground about adding a PT position.
We spent the day today, due to the holiday, going to a local museum, and had a great time.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
