I suppose you could say that the big 180 I've done is all of this mess is my attitude esp about what we tell our D's and how we handle what's going on with them. I'm dancing on a razor blade at the moment as we've discussed what to tell D's re his moving, but he has not wanted to sit them down to do it yet. Bottom line, it is not helpful to kids to know that one of their parnets (pick your WAS) is a rascal. With our D's if there is an issue I encourage them (sometimes in fromt of H) to talk to him. D12 gets angry and tends to take it out on me, when this is going on, I ask if he has any suggestions for how to help her. I ask his counsel. More than I'd like, I get "I don't know". I thank him for listening and thinking about it and go on my way.
It's really tough and it took me awhile to get from "you have to cowboy up to being the one that's leaving and not willing to try" to "sometimes in a marriage b/c of frustration and unhappiness a break is needed to give some space so the best decisions for the future of the family can be made. No one is to blame." What has it gained me? An ally in raising our D's.
Whatever will work best for the kids and you is worth really thinking about.
