JOHN210(AKA the angry LBS or SOB)

[Jen1967]

John,

Please don't move out. You are unbelievably hurt. But you deserve to live in your house. Can you move into a guest bedroom? Can you live "separately" in your house?

Mine moved out with no warning, was having an affair he wouldn't admit to for almost 4 months. My initial reaction was like yours, shocked, unable to function, mad, hurt, etc. I couldn't eat, sleep, thought I couldn't go on. None of this can be rushed. Your emotions will run the course at the speed they are intended to experience them. But please don't make rash decisions while you are feeling this emotional.

You already said you want the M. Don't think there is no hope. She is saying a lot of things that sound to me it is hopeful.

In the meantime, do you know what the main complaint is that she has of you? Trust me, in no way am I blaming her horrible behavior on you. What I'm saying is, try to change that one thing without saying you're doing anything. Try to focus on diffusing the anger. If you have the money, invest in one of the phone coaches here. They are worth it. (Cheaper than a L.) Mine is Jody and she's phenomenal.

When you are ready, you will find the phrases "I understand how you feel," "I'm sorry you feel that way," and "I need to think about it." will come in real handy to allowing her to feel safe to open up and admitting to things. There's no reason huge life-altering decisions need to be made in the heat of anger, or when your spouse puts you on the spot with a question. Just say you need to think things through. Breathe........

Hugs.