She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

Thanks HFF, and it's great to hear from you. I am very happy to see that Retro went well for you and your W. Obviously not a miracle cure but something that opens your eyes to effective communication. This is definitely something I would like to see me and my W get into. It doesn't feel like the right moment though, even with communication as the selling point.

My wife has been telling people that she is now indifferent towards OM but I can see/feel that this is not the case. She's trying to convince herself that she is. She's better than she was but still gets mired in depression.

But enough about her. I need to really continue what I have been doing today (with one very minor slip up). Since I am no longer desired in the role of husband, it's time for me to stop providing those things she has become accustomed to. She suggested that I work upstairs today because it was so cold in my office but I told her that I had turned the heat on and stayed in the office. She asked me to join her during my lunch break but I explained that I had to prepare some food for dinner.

I'm not pushing her away but I am also not running to her every time SHE wants to see me.

My slip up was very minor, I think. We had to go to MIL's house to pick up a car and W mentioned she needed some notebooks for school (starting up tomorrow). I told her that since I was running out the gym I would pick them up for her. Nothing major but in hindsight I think I should have waited for her to ask.

One interesting thing (I'm sure no one will be offended by this). While I was preparing dinner during my lunch break she asked for a cigarette. My hands were full of potatoes so I told her they were in my left pocket. She reached in and said in a mischievous voice "better be careful of what I pull out." We both laughed, of course.

This is the kind of comment she would have made a LONG time ago, not typical of her current behavior. However, my current behavior shows that this is EXACTLY the kind of comment I would make. I restrained myself and was surprised that she said it instead.

I think she is very much in tune with my behavioral shifts. She knows when she needs to try pulling me back in, to reassure herself I guess. It's interesting to see this happen. I need to work on staying consistent though.