Tied to the Whipping Post

[Punktmann]

Sleeper,

Proof that it is just a want and not a need is that she is so attached to OM.

Very astute. That IS proof. I think they are so lost that they can't reconcile incongrueous statements and actions.


Wife says she "needs" to be alone to heal which includes discovering who she is, etc. In the beginning she said, "You go deal with your stuff, I'll go deal with mine and we'll see what happens." On some level she knows she has "stuff" to deal with

I think that is a good sign, that she knows that she has some "stuff" to deal with. I think it beats the hell out of "this is all your fault."

Another disadvantage of being a guy and taking statements literally rather then intuitively as women do. Also a personal disadvantage of believing what people tell me is true.

Haha, I know, the disadvantages of being a guy. It's nice to be able to fix things, but it stinks not understanding what's written between the lines when your best friend talks to you. Shorter restroom lines are nice too.

As for truth, I believe that 90 % of people are normally truthful. Our MLC spouses, I have come to think that we should listen to like we do our kids, and watch for signs of lies.

Sad.

[sleeper]

I hear you, Punktman (sounds like a superhero, what's your special power?)

Funny thing on my end is that ocasionally W will ask ME have I heard anything regarding this fued with others. I haven't.

I think I could get him fired.

[Punktmann]

Sleeper, haha, I didn't notice it, but it does, doesn't it. If I have a special power, it would have to be "jack of all trades, master of none." Unless you count my secret weapon, my singing voice. I could clear an auditorium.

Funny thing on my end is that ocasionally W will ask ME have I heard anything regarding this fued with others. I haven't.

I am repeatedly amazed at their inability to see how their actions affect others. I mean, how insensitive is that?

Oh, BTW, have you heard anything about my OM?

WTF????

I know that we should expect that insensitivity, but wow, each time w/ my W, or when I read things like that on the board, I'm just always surprised anew.

I think I could get him fired.

I know what you mean about that, If I talked to the OM's W, I'm pretty sure there would be a D. If I talked to their management, it would probably be a firing. Maybe even both of them. It's a famliy owned corp. and I think that would be strongly frowned on. Neither of those is really good for me. I don't want to break up another family, I really don't want the OM to become unattached, and I don't want the OM to turn into a needy basket case that my W will want to help.

I know how tempting it is though.

Even though it won't help, I still think about it sometimes.

[Grace_O]

Haha, I know, the disadvantages of being a guy. It's nice to be able to fix things, but it stinks not understanding what's written between the lines when your best friend talks to you.

The problem with our (women's) reading between the lines and intuition is how often we are either wrong or too afraid to act on it.

I agree that outing the OM to his W or at work won't work for you. That's like telling your teenage daughter you "forbid" her to see a boy. Yikes.

[Punktmann]

((((Grace_O))))

I really hope that didn't sound insulting to women. I didn't mean it that way. It IS my day for screwing up what I write though.

What I meant to refer to (humerously,) was the way that men, (me at least,) are so typically dense with R talks. In a normal marriage.

Until they get here anyway. Now it seems like I have "Hyper-Hearing."


Yeah, outing the OM is one of those "fantasies" that I know would NEVER help, but would feel sooooooooooooo good, in the counterproductive way that the things I say in my imaginary conversations w/ her feel. (Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has those imaginary convo's where we tell the WAS off, run through their head.)

It's right up there with the fantasy that one day my W will wake up and be the same woman she was 3 years ago.

WAIT,..... if that happened, I'd be in for 3 more years of this! Deep six that fantasy.

I think I'll just confine my fantasies to one day waking up in my bed with her there again.



You're right though, any resistance to the OP IS like telling a teenager that they "can't" do something.

"want to bet...."

Well, so far, leaving the OM sitch alone has been working for me, although it is like a stake through the heart.

No, actually, it IS a stake through the heart.

That's OK though, b/c I'm not allergic to oak, and I'm tough.

[Grace_O]

I really hope that didn't sound insulting to women. I didn't mean it that way. It IS my day for screwing up what I write though.

It wasn't insulting at all. I took it as just a difference between us (men and women). I'm still able to spot humor (well, usually).

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has those imaginary convo's where we tell the WAS off, run through their head.)

Ohhhh, I doubt you're alone there. I have some very animated ones at times (esp when I'm out walking). Kind of surprised no one has called the nut farm on me.

Well, so far, leaving the OM sitch alone has been working for me, although it is like a stake through the heart.

No, actually, it IS a stake through the heart.

I can't imagine. I don't know of an OW, but.....

At least we know you're immune to vampire slayers.

[Gman3388]

Yeah, outing the OM is one of those "fantasies" that I know would NEVER help, but would feel sooooooooooooo good, in the counterproductive way that the things I say in my imaginary conversations w/ her feel. (Please tell me that I'm not the only one who has those imaginary convo's where we tell the WAS off, run through their head.)

Nope your not. I used to have them in the bathroom. Sometimes in the mirror and sometimes sitting on the throne.
Seriously though I if I find myself doing that (which lead to upsetting myself and it would be noticeable! ) I did the old "picture a STOP sign" trick and I repeated over and over "Its in God's hands"

No, actually, it IS a stake through the heart.

Yup and it hurts like Hell. But it does make you stronger.
Hang tough Bro!

[Punktmann]

Grace,

I'm still able to spot humor (well, usually).

Me too, although some things just aren't funny anymore.

On the upside, a few things are a lot funnier now.

I've always had a dark twist to my sense of humor, but recently, that twist has been more like black. Why does everyone in the outside world think I'm so negative???? Welladay.

Ohhhh, I doubt you're alone there. I have some very animated ones at times (esp when I'm out walking). Kind of surprised no one has called the nut farm on me.

Hahaha, I do this during my commute mostly. Unfortunately, my fellow commuters probabaly know when I have had a bad day.

BTW, if they ever do, call me as a witness at the commitment hearing. You'll get off scott free.


At least we know you're immune to vampire slayers.


Yep, all of them except "Alyson Hannigan." Ummm, just a shadow of a doubt there. What a smile.

DOH,....Nevermind that! (think cold weather, shoveling snow, scraping windshields, hours in a tree stand waiting for a deer in subzero temps.....)

Grace, no pressure, no worries if you can't talk about it, but I'd really be interested in your take on how to "tell the kids," if you ever have a minute to talk, email me if you want to. I am doing well, but I am having a lot of difficulty with that. I completely understand if you can't. All kidding aside, this is where the rubber meets the road.



Anyway, Gman, it's good to hear from you!

What's going on w/ you lately?

More snow here, but not too much, and it is cold enough that it blows off the roads.

[Punktmann]

Gman, it's good to hear from you.

I never tried the "stop sign trick," but I do try to stop myself when I am Spinning. Gosh I hate that word. It sounds SO weak, but I know that I do it. DANG it!


I usually think of "capturing my thoughts," as the scripture says.

I think that is very close to the same thing. (I'll try both. Whatever works, right?)


But it does make you stronger.


Darn straight.

If it didn't kill me, it's just an exercise, and will make me stronger.

I've had a jump in strength lately.

[Grace_O]

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