Everything is going well. I think two things added up to make the homecoming a little less fulfilling than expected:
1) H was extremely exhausted/jet-lagged from his two weeks out on market research 2) I was experiencing issues with pre-menstrual mood swings and was more anxious and was more emotionally-driven than usual
That led to me feeling like his reaction wasn't BIG or effusive enough for me and I was so fragile and disconnected from the little contact we had, that I immediately began to question everything.
I held on though, and he did a lot of reassuring and helping. We went to see our C this morning and she was (as usual) very helpful and very good to bounce things up against. One of the realities of my mood is that I experience quite drastic mood issues at about 2 weeks before my period, and 3-4 days before my period. I am going to talk to my OB/Gyn about a BC pill that may help regulate some of that for me. I started to plot those days on a chart and it became very obvious what was happening. Definitely hormonal.
Today, therefore, was a good day. We're working on rebuilding the foundation and I am working on living in the present.
I am the kind of person who is very controlling and results-oriented. I take things out to their possible conclusions and want to make decisions NOW. But I'm realizing that while that strategy serves me particularly well at work, and in fact makes me very successful, is probably stifling my efforts to reconnect with H. I am consumed with making a decision and when I do an analysis of what might happen, I want to cut and run. And that keeps me from living in the present moment and being a part of the process that is happening now. I am continually assessing and reassessing and it ain't working!
So...that's the skinny for now...
Regards,
ntl
Me: 30 H: 32 Dating 10/96 Married 8/01 H PA's: Summer 97, 12/06, 5/07-10/23/07 My Saga
