I think you do know better than this way of thinking. And we've read all over the place that once we start changing our 'bad' ways, it seems others change their 'bad' ways too. Right? Well, look at me saying this and not doing it. It's hard for sure, but we all can do this!!!!!
I think it is time for dry_heat to be the person he want sto be, and see what happens. Then look at waht happens, and decide what to do next. Instead of worrying about what he might do if XYZ happens. So, stand by for more positive thoughts!
Well, Lisa, you ask a big question with very few words.
I think it is time for me to stop worrying about what W thinks of me, what she's doing, what she's thinking, what she might do, what she might think....... OK, so that doesn't say what kind of person I want to be, but it does bring up some of the things that I think may be keeping me from getting there!
To answer what kind of person I'd like to be, I had to turn the question over, and think of what I'd like to see my kids be. I found it easier to picture through them, than through me, if that makes any sense. So....
I'd like them to be kind and compassionate. I'd like them to not be selfish. I'd like them to be respectful, and respected. I'd like them to work hard, but still know how to have fun.
I think that would be a good start, and a good start for me, too. For me, I think the first step really is to quit moping about W. I can't change her. So, I need to get back to me. Of course, that sounds good on paper, I will need to think some more about how!
(((Jeff))) How could I forget?! Sorry for opening the can- hope there's not worms everywhere there in the heat!!
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
I think it is time for me to stop worrying about what W thinks of me, what she's doing, what she's thinking, what she might do, what she might think.......
I love that plan- sounds like a step in the right direction because I can't imagine that always worrying about what your W thinks is making YOU happy.....
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
I'd like them to be kind and compassionate. I'd like them to not be selfish. I'd like them to be respectful, and respected. I'd like them to work hard, but still know how to have fun.
I think that would be a good start, and a good start for me, too.
From what I can tell, Jeff, from your supportive posts and generous advice, you are already there!!
You've been coaching me about taking care of me....so practice what you preach buddy! Concentrate on you and what makes you happy....but the best Jeff you can be....W will surely notice! Its hard to figure out what we as individuals want, especially when we have been in Rs as long as we have...but to be truly happy in a R, you have to be happy with who you are! My H made a profound statement not long ago....something like....I can't make you or anyone else happy unless I'm happy with who I am! Pretty smart statement coming from his MLC brain. The only problem is he doesn't have a clue how to go about making himself happy.
((((Jeff))))
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
So does that meant that the problem with my marriage is that I don't clean the kitchen well enough? And sometimes forget to take the trash out?
Bad, bad, bad, negative thoughts! Tonight I will clean the catbox, and take the trash out, because I don't want to get up in time for the trashmen! And I may get out in the garage and do some railroad work. I haven't done much for a few weeks, and I think I should.
You guys have at least started to wake me up a bit. I think that because I don't think she's MLC (which I am starting to question, a bit) I have been assuming that logic and reason apply. And they probably do, but they are not the same logic and reason I would use. I don't know how many times I've typed that it really doesn't matter it it is MLC or not, you do the same thing! But I wasn't appying it in tht other direction! It equally doesn't matter if it is not MLC! Duh! OK, she can live in her cave. I've be nice when she comes out. I'll absolutely live up to my responsibility to my kids. And I'll take care of myself. I'm not going to set a time limit, but I know there is one. At some point, I'll know I'm done, if it comes to that. But until then, I'm not done!
OK, I can tell you when my next crisis is coming, if you want to get prepared. Feb.14, obviously, but I can ignore that pretty easily, we've never mad a big deal of it. But Feb. 16th is out 23rd anniversary. So, I'm sure there will be some angst coming from here then!
((((Lisa)))) ((((BA)))) ((((Everybody else I might have forgotten lately))))
We'll help eachother get through this Jeff! Really we will!
About V-Day, I was at Target the other day and looking through the V-Day treats. I'm thinking of buying these certain treats and bringing them to work.....it's a pack of 6 heart-shaped suckers and the box says "Love is for Suckers!" HA! I loved it!
