I think I feel smothered

[WAS32]

One of the big problems in our M was our lousey sex life. It was mecanical and no spice. So of course he went to go find that somewhere else. Which he did. It was so much better with her because she would do the things he wanted in bed. he has never really told me what he really wants except for me to be more like a porn star. It's not in my nature to be like that. I need some prior attention before the main course. But he thinks now that he has slept with this OW that if there is passion he shouldn't have to prime the engine first. And we should be able to be done in 10 minutes and both be satsified. I don't think I can do that. So how do I get this out of my mind? How do I continue trying to piece my marriage back together when this is hanging over my head?

I told him today that I was having a hard time with this and i needed to know that he really wanted to be here. i said we can't just start today like nothing happened. That's what he is thinking we can do. he has been dealing with this for 5 months where it's been 2 days for me. I told him I don't know how I am feeling and if he really wants this M to work he is going to have to fight for it. I need to feel that he wants to be here not that he has to be here. I don't think that is to much to ask for right now. Am I wrong? Help.