W and I had a long conversation last night. She told me she is so confused about where she is going to live. She sees that apartments are expensive and come with undesirable neighbors. Likewise, she sees living with OM as something that wont work out if she cant find any love to give to him. She decided to offer him $500 a month as rent. We both feel that once our lawyers file our parenting plan, that we both would like to finish our D using a 3rd party facilitated mediator as we are quite agreeable to terms.
We both seem to really enjoy talking with each other now about many things. We are the best of friends. We once again had a long embrace as she left the house. She has come a long ways from where she was 3 months ago. I also have so much more respect and admiration for her.
This morning, I talked with her on the phone and she said she had an hour long call with her good friend last night. Her friend still cannot understand why she wants to leave our marriage. W cant explain it either. W tells me that she sees how happy I am to get her out of my life and move on to other women. I take exception to that and explain I would much prefer her in my life, but that I am accepting that my life would need to move on if we D. I tell her some of Michelle's philosophy about working to keep the love alive and that most marriages can be saved. I ask her if she misses me and she says yes. I end up telling her to keep in mind that I and all our friends and family would be more than willing and happy to have our marriage saved. She can put a stop to it anytime.
As part of my continuation of moving our D forward, I remind her that we need to get her on her own cell phone plan. I point out to her that as we are getting her off all our shared accounts that it would be just as easy to get her back on. She told me that if she does decide to stay that she would want to keep the private accounts. This is yet another hint to me that she is not fully decided about the D.
So, I just finished writing her a touching letter explaining that it is never too late to stop our D. I included Michell's first chapter of DR so that W might understand where I am coming from. I figure that since she is so confused about her future and that she admits to missing me that it cant hurt to reclarify to her that a D is not the answer to her problems. I have nothing to lose as I can move on just fine after a D, but I still want to end my M in a way where I can say to myself that I did my best to save it.
