W less angry with me, but not ready for piecing

[Lanzo]

For the second week running W and I rented movies and stayed in, we had popcorn and wine to drink. We watched an all action drama and a light hearted comedy. Things felt good. We went to bed together and chatted, W said she feels good cos shes enjoying her weekends with me. Well we chatted more until we reached that awkward silence before sleep, this time I thought I'd do something different, I put my arm around her which was ok, then I made a slight move and she said NO!! (Note: slight move was forearm against breast).

I won't say much more cos this is how our old patterns of behaviour starts, her rejecting me, me getting frustrated and ignoring her, her feeling overlooked and turning to OM. I can see it but can W ? Sh*t!!! what a cr*p cycle to be in.

Actually I will say more, I don't consider this to be a backslide, more a deeply frustrated man trying to build on some positive moves forward and trying for some intimacy with W, obviously she not ready, not by a long way. Ok, I'm doing my best and she very happy (up to a point) but what about me ? (Answers on a post card please).

So I'm gonna spend ALL Sunday morning in the gym and work off whatever I need to work off , come home and get back to doing what works.

[john210]

Lanzo,
I hear you. For me one of the most frustrating parts of all this is the lack of intimacy. Reading your sitch however, it is obvious that you are moving in the right direction. i guess this is what they mean by patience.

[Lian]

Lanzo,

I think those are great news, you sound like you are describing (at least to me) a typical marriage. And As I said on another thread I hope to be to walk in your shoes soon..

[Lanzo]

Well I had a good work out at the gym today, I managed to work off some of last nights frustration. While I was at the gym I came up with two new goals for myself. First I'm gonna enter a 10k road race later this year and raise some money for charity. A colleague at work has been bugging me about doing this but I didn't think I was fit enough. Anyway at the gym today I rattled off 7k on the treadmill without taking too much out of myself so 10k is well within my range. Hopefully training this race will help me reach my second new goal and get my weight below 210 lbs. Surprisingly I'm a lot fitter than I thought.

Getting back to last night, previous to that I was thinking about asking W for a date but then I concluded that it would be too much like persuing. Well, lo and behold today W says should we call BIL & SIL and ask them if the fancy going out as a foursome at the end of the month. Well I don't know what to say to you all.

[Lanzo]

Earlier sunday evening, W decided that she wanted to watch American Idol on cable instead of a movie. I took this opportunity to journal my thoughts before posting on DB. W then makes a cryptic comment that no one gets a chance on the computer cos I'm always writing essays. I told her the computer is available she just needs to say so. Then I read between the lines and got what she was really saying, she actually wants me to watch American Idol with her. doh.

Quality time is defiantly her thing, while we were chatting before sleep W said she now looks forward to the weekends. I asked her weekends with me ? (cos I wanted to get a little R chat going), but she said she looks forward to a family weekend, the three of us doing things together. I know this is all good but I wanted to slip in it's great doing the family thing with me but you can't have it if you're gonna do the sex thing somewhere else. Hey, we've been down this road before. Yeah I stopped doing the family thing cos there was no intimacy going on between us, so there's another old cycle that needs to be broken.

Now it seems like it's ok for W to snuggle up to me at bed time but not for me to do the same to her. Last night W snuggled up to me and fell asleep with her head resting on my arm so I just left her there. I didn't make amy moves I just lay there with her.

Today I forgot my lunchbox, so W phones my cell when I'm driving to work and ask do I want to meet somewhere so she can pass them to me. I just say we may as well meet and have lunch together, W said ok. We meet for lunch and when we finish W said she really enjoyed lunch and we should do it again. I said definitely. I even got a kiss from her, lately I've just been getting a friendly hug.

OK I have a question, I have undoubtedly discovered W LL as quality time, but she returns it to me in acts of service, hence the upturn in our sitch. How do I let her know that my LL is touch and that this mis match between is one of the broken pieces in our jigsaw. It's a tough question but one I think will need to be answered if we are to piece things together. (I've got my thinking cap on).

Lan

[GFI]

Hey Lan

Have you got the version of the book with the quizzes at the back? Is there any possibility of you doing these with your W?

Best - GFI

[Lanzo]

Hi GFI,

My sitch is a bit strange cos W and I have pulled back from the brink, we're moving forward as if we're piecing things back together but we haven't actually said that this is what we're doing. The R doesn't get discussed. Seems like we taking one day at a time and I think if W had her way we'd continue like this cos some of the difficult issues won't get discuss. I think we'll tackle these issues if our R gets stronger.

So at the moment questionnaires and such things are not yet on the agenda cos if I mentioned it to W at the moment I think the alien would reappear. But thanks for the suggestion I will look into that later.

[Lian]

Lanzo,

I am not in a position to give you advice because you are much more Lanzo,

I am not in a position to give advices because you are much more knowledgble than me. I do not know what is your LL but if you are like me it is Physical.

Me think that now we should only care to fulfill our spouses needs (the unfulfilled needs are one reason they walk away from us) then when they get them (for the lack of a better word) hooked to us we should be concerned about our need.
me. I do not know what is your LL but if you are like me it is Physical.

Me think that now we should only care to fulfill our spouses needs (the unfulfilled needs are one reason they walk away from us) then when they get them (for the lack of a better word) hooked to us we should be concerned about our need.

[Lanzo]

First I'm gonna enter a 10k road race later this year and raise some money for charity. A colleague at work has been bugging me about doing this but I didn't think I was fit enough.

I thought this was a noble cause so I'm gonna give it another airing.


Last night W fell asleep with my arm around her waist, she seemed ok with this. I wasn't so I got up and went on the computer for an hour for so.

This morning W was looking at me and then said "you dress very smart for work these days". I just replied yep, and it makes me feel good. I didn't get a goodbye kiss, probably could have got one if I went looking for it, cos I saw her looking at me again.

As I was leaving W shouted down to me, "don't forget your lunch box" then she followed me towards the door and said "We'll talk on the phone later, yes ?" sure I said then I left for work.

A nice little morning exchange.

[GFI]

Lan

Looks like we might be able to get a running camp sorted out via this board! What time will you be aiming for? And which charity?

The exchange you described sounded really positive and all the more cos you didn't push for anything more.

Best - GFI