LD book recommendation?

[ann25]

Hi Sandi - I appreciate your concern. I really truly do. I'm sure most people here have not read my other thread. I didn't mention here what happened because although it I definately feel that H's previous treatment of me plays a big part in my lack of attraction/desire for him, I need a way to move on. I don't care as much why i don't want him as what i can do to want him again. Maybe i need to focus on that to get there or maybe not, but it really is hard to think about, so i choose not to. I have never felt like that in my life, so helpless and unloved... i just don't like to think about it.

I guess in the making excuses for him and blaming myself, i'm just trying to find anyway that i can change that will possibly make things better. It's kinda like when he asked me for D. that killed me. I could seriously argue that he asked for D and we started living our lives seperately of one another (in the same house cause we couldn't figure out finances and the girls and stuff), so the EA shouldn't matter so much. The problem is, that it doesn't accomplish anything. All that does is further seperate us. Since he won't face up to the stuff that lef up to the D talk, i can't do anything about it. He has to be willing to accept that he had some part in the demise of our M. Until he does, I can only focus on the things that i can control now. Anything that he does is completely out of my control.

it's funny cause right after the D talk, i was looking on a D website and read the WAW article (unfortunately i didn't link it back here at that time.) but i kept thinking, that's me. I was already emotionally done. But none of that matters to him now, so i have to just change how i react rather than expect him to fix the things that went wrong before.

I have a hard time figuring out what i need and want... I don't want things to get back to where they were. I don't want to feel hurt and unloved. What do i want? A loving supportive R where we can openly talk and feel free to express ourselves verbally and physically. That if one or the other of us is uncomfortable with something, that it's understood and accepted. That if one of us is hurt or upset, that the other will listen and be supportive. That we will help each other through times that are hard and thoroughly enjoy the good times. That we will have the regular M arguments, but work things out and move on together.... At this point, all those things will require some change in H. I have no control over this, so I just try and do my half of it.

Physically, i don't know what i want or need from him right now. Mostly space. if he was more willing to give me space, i would be more willing to come to him lovingly rather than out of obligation...

I don't know... None of this probaly made any sense, but that's ok.

Thanks sandi - I appreciate you not sugarcoating anything for my sake, it really won't help me.