SO2, I'm not sure I understand exactlt what he means...I think this cou'd be read a few ways. Biy to be honest, it doesn't sound that bad to me.
Was this an actual conversation between you 2 or was it IM?? If it was IM I wouls say do not read into it...bad or good. There is too much left for interpretation and IMO this is too serious a topic not to be had in person.
J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
It was a text message. That is how he communicates. We would literally go days without talking.
I know what it means, knowing him. He always would make comments that he is not giving me any control. I think he is realizing that he is losing me/baby. Worst case scenario he faces big child support and the community we live in thinks he is a schmuck. Pretty much everyone is talking about it. This is the boldest stand I have ever taken and I am sure he is a bit shocked. Normally he would send a text like the first one saying he wants to work things out and I would melt and he goes back to cake eating. I think it ticked him off that I was making him explain himself.
Honestly I am at the point where I can take it or leave it. I do love him but not at this price.
Oh, I forgot....I was at my son's wrestling match and OW showed up to watch her former stepson. First time ever she didn't make my skin crawl. Hmmmm....could it be progress?
Last edited by Startingover2; 01/18/0803:42 AM.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I agree with Jenny, it could be interpreted in different ways. It didn't sound that bad to me either. But, you know him better than either of us. God it would suck to see OW around town, I'd want to deck her. Just hang in there, be cautious an see what evolves, no expectations. You know how to do this.
How are things going today?
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Hey blindsided. Things are ok today. Woke up feeling pretty good. I think it goes back to realizing I have choices too. That I have a choice not to sit back and wait for him.
He sent this this morning:
I will be back early from d10's soccer tournament on Sunday. Maybe we can talk then and I have clothes for baby.
I am not going to respond. I need to let him know I am dead serious, plus like I said I have a feeling this is all about what he has realized life will be like financially and with the baby if he doesn't step up. The thing is that cannot be the only reasons.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
H has sent me a few texts today telling me to have a good day and he will let me know how stepdaughters games go today if I want. I didn't respond. I will text stepdaughter later on her phone and ask.
Tomorrow is our talk. I will be interested in seeing what he has to say. I am going to ask for what I want/need and see what he says. Its a no brainer now....no drinking and no other women. Plain and simple.
Last edited by Startingover2; 01/19/0805:21 PM.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
He just left my house. Spent the past 5 hours here. When he first got here we sat down on the couch and he sat real close and put his hand on my stomach. We watched football for about 30 minutes and I kept thinking.."ok, lets talk" Finally I said well, what do you want to talk about?
He sorta wishy washed the subject for a bit. Like he would rather just leave it alone. Finally we started talking. He said he was willing to give up his 'friendship' with OW and make this relationship a priority. That there was nothing more important than this right now.
I said I agreed. I was honest with him in that I was at the point finally after 18 months where I could take it or leave it now. That it was all or nothing and no more limbo grey areas. I didn't have it in me anymore.
The whole thing went smooth, almost too smooth. I also told him I have heard all of this before and that his words mean nothing and he needed to back them up with action. He just nodded his head.
The one thing he didn't like was that he thought I was trash talking him around town. I told him that I wasn't, I only told my friends and that people were drawing their own conclusions based on what they see. They don't see us together and OW is running her mouth all over. People draw their own conclusions. I was honest and said there wasn't one person out there that thought that his 'friendship' with OW was acceptable.
I don't know what to do now. How do I know if he has ended it with OW? I know she still does drive by's his house and know she is still obscessed. I want to be open, but yet want to keep my eyes open too.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
How do you trust again when they have spent the past 18 months destroying it? Even if H is sincere, how do I ever really trust again? I don't want to go crazy wondering if it is all a charade.
H actually picked up the phone and called me today! Usually its text messages I get. Trying to look at it as a baby step and not be cynical and doubtful.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Holy cow, you got a call? An actual call? I don't even remember what that's like. H never calls me. the texting is totally ridiculous, I feel like texting back "if you have something to say, call. I won't accept this texting thing anymore". But, knowing him, I'd never hear from him. It's REALLY juvenille. I pray for you SO2, I do. I hope your H is serious about the changes. As far as the trust issue, that is something that you are going to have to figure out. You can trust or you can mistrust, it's going to have to be up to you. There is no easy way around it. I wish you luck. Much luck. Please keep me posted.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Yeah, an acutal call. In fact H has his own ringtone and when he called I said wow...haven't heard this song in awhile!!
You know what is frustrating is how they can say a few words and think that it makes everything all better. We did talk about my insecurity issues last night. He knows I am insecure but has failed or doesn't want to see that the past 18 months have made me that way. This wasn't a one time deal. Its going to take awhile with no slipups to build that back again. But last night he was looking at me like he was waiting for me to jump in his arms and I wasn't. He was being nice and touchy feely but I was a bit reserved.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
