Something funny to share: A good friend of ours saw H the other night. They were very close before, but have had a falling out over H's actions over the past year, and also because H owes friend money that's long overdue.
Friend was joking around with H. Asked H if he was still with ogre. H said yes. Friend said 'Dude, at least find yourself a new chick!'. Said H just laughed but looked embarrassed.
Friend told me that H actually called him on Christmas just to wish him a Merry Christmas. Strange, considering he hadn't called him for several months before that. But it did coincide with his brief period of holiday cheer, which is completely gone - although he did pick S5 up from school today to spend some time with him. He hasn't done that in a long time - and usually only does it if I ask.
toh: I've stopped asking myself all the questions and have just accepted that the thoughts of H are still there. I wish they weren't, but then again, I think it makes us normal to still think of someone we have shared our lives with for so long. I think with time and a better understanding of what your H is going through, the questions will stop for you too.
short1: Besides now having a job, my day to day life hasn't changed much. Taking care of little kids sucks up so much of my time, I hardly have time to pee. When H started in replay and was going out all the time, that's when I started my own company. Between that and my new job, I have plenty to keep me busy at night after the kids are sleeping - not to mention reading and posting here. Maybe the DB site is part of the problem, because even if it's supposed to be for me, the basis still revolves around my M, and thus my H. Either way, it's the moments when I'm lying in bed, just before I sleep that he enters my mind the most.
OC: Ideally, I wish that H could continue to be an important part of their lives. I just hate seeing S5 figure out the inconsistencies in what H tells him. It would be great if I could move away temporarily, leaving H to work on himself without having to deal with him. Then have him join us/bring us back here when he's through with his MLC! Ironically, this is what he suggested when we first S (minus the MLC part). I thought it was completely ridiculous then. The timeframe he had given was 3 years. If it weren't such a major move, I would have an easier time doing it. But in addition to the move being costly and all the effort and expenses involved in moving to a new country (which you know very well), I'm afraid of how traumatizing the move would be on my kids. So for now, I'll keep being a chicken sh*t and just keep talking about it, without actually taking that leap. I don't think you gave me that book you mentioned. You gave me one called 'Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce'.
UD: I've never been a huge sucker for Valentine's day, so hopefully it will pass without much drama for me. I do think that things will start to look up for all of us soon. Yes, finding another guy is just what I need but am not ready for. Having the possibility of an R with OF (actually have had NC with him for a couple of weeks) is sometimes a nice thought, but I find myself comparing him to H. And even with all of H's faults, I'd still choose H over OF. Funny, because I've always thought of OF as my soulmate (H nows this) but have never had a strong desire to be with him. Maybe because he's so much like me - especially the bad parts that I can't stand about myself! At least I'm trying to change them... Oh, I've heard that hypnotism actually works to help stop thinking about H. Try it and let me know if it's successful.
