Mojo I actually thought that you had indicated once that BB did have her own money which she was spending on the doodads. BB was working 2.5 days a week and was in shopping addiction mode, using almost all of her paycheck for her toys.
Then some of her relatives died and left her some more money, which she started to spend like water. Mean while I was making $20 here and $50 there to pay for daily/monthly/yearly expenses. It was one plays, the other pays situation.
If you are ....making a semi-conscious mental calculation along the lines of thinking that your best bet financially at the moment is to do your best to "control" BB then that is contributing to your marital fusion.. I am letting go of some of the resentment I have because of the buy/use/dispose of good things situation. I also try to limit what BB spends but don't try to control her. I do try to limit some of the fusion behavior but also go into losing respect for BB mode.
We do the fun money to a degree. So many things I want to do, BB will not try because of some fear she has. She will travel but to her, motels have bed bugs, she needs "her" potty, and she will miss the dogs.
If I solve those problems, she will go places with me. So far a large motor-home would work. I offered to buy a 21'er but the dogs were/are still a problem, so I Quit thinking about a solution.
Other fun things have a 4 hour limit for BB, because of the dogs. OH well????
