Hi, Iam Merel and I live in The Netherlands. Sorry for the bad grammar. Iam amazing how much MLC story's are like each other and mine. My husband dropped the bomb at the end of Oct07. At that time he already had an affaire for 1 year with OW. I didnt notice.H was always working late, that wasnt new for me. And he was always home during the weekends. I shall tell something about us. We know each other from high, when we were 16. Now we both are 50. T34,M23.S22, not at home anymore. We desided that I would stay at home and rase S while H made carriere. All went well for 22y(Ithougt23). Sometimes it was a little less during M but not bad at all.No fights, some discussions.Work and carriere for H went well untill 4y ago. At first his father died and a vieuw weeks after that something bad happened at work. H was quicked out as a member of the board of the company but there was another job for him (same company). So they want him to stay.2y after these problems he was back as a member of the same board again! The whole situation frustates him a lot.H worked very hard and during the problems even harder. Last year(06)we desided to spend some money that we safed all those years to buy a boat so that we have more relaxing time beside all the work he was doing. So end of Sept06 we bought the boat and we were very happy that we do so. At Dec06 H started affaire with OW. All 07 untill Oct07 H was lying about everything. H,S and I went on Hollidays, H was sailing races with S, boating with me,friends,MIL, family and so on.H was telling he likes it so much blahblahblah... Making plans for the future. No warning at all! What I did see was that he became more and more frustated, but I thought that it was because of his job.H was always complaining about that.And telling me all the time that he was changed because all of the trubbels. We talked a lot about all of this. And then he told me that we had nothing at all anymore! Now he has OW!!! He already had an apartment in a town closeby his job and OW (30min from our home). It took 10 minutes after telling me that he left the house! No chance for me! 34y gone in 10 minutes. I desided to leave the door open and do not argue. The week after this we had to bring our boat to a place were it stays for wintertime.We did this together in 2 days. It was very nice because I could ask a lot. I was telling him after the first day that all the answeres he gave me look likes if he is in MLC. I told him that he was throwing an love for live away and so on. All the bad stuff, now I know! H looks very cold, cold eyes, doesnt bother him at all. The week after bringing the boat to Friesland I asked him a question and than he told me that he dont know, he would think about it. The answere a week later was no langer his but OW's. Then I stopped asking, pointless to do! So a lot happened mean time.H is calling me sometimes for having dinner out but Iam not calling him. During those dinners a part is good, an other part isnt because he is always asking me what I like to do with the house and so on.He also want a D. Well when he is starting to ask these things Iam so angry that I flipp! Icant help it. Before I'll go I think I can handdle it but I cant. I cant believe were I am in now. Its a very bad movie or something like that. I thought that H was the most trustfull man I evver met! This is real bad!! And it will not stop here. OW is introdused to MIL and SIL's and family during Crhistmas. Everything is going very fast. OW thinks (she told MIL) that its better for H that S will meet her too! S refused. S thinks OW is scum! (S already knows her and I do too. She knows me, Iam the wife of her boss!) (She's a manager at the same company)
Maybe there is someone who can help me?? Its my intention to safe my M. I still love H very much! Why is that so????
Iam loosing weight, change my hair. Doing a course for boating, which I like a lot. (thank God that I have all the papers for boating I need. H has to do 3 exams for it. hahahahah) Iam excercise a lot to be in good shape. And after this course I like to do a course Social Physics.
Hello, and sorry you're here....we are all in the same boat so to speak...I heard everything you are hearing...except my H still lives in my home and has OW..I am working on that...I have 3 children and all I can say is this is a long ride.....sometimes it will eat you up...sometimes you will get angry and want to throw in the towel...but if you love your H then hang in there...It's not you, it's him...I am still learning from all these wonderful people here...listen to their advice it is all wonderful.. It does take a while to do as they say but in the end we will be better people because of it.. Stop on over to my thread anytime...."how do they look themselves in the mirror"".
My H too worked late and I never thought anything of it because he has always worked late but I found out about OW 1 year ago..and it has been a year of pain and sadness...
Some day his greener grass will turn brown..take care of yourself..
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Are they crazy or what? Where do they get the time from to do all those uckly stuff??? Yagh!
It must be very hard for you to have your H in the house! Than you have to deal with it all the time he's around. And the kids are so young, alt enough to see what's going on but need a lot support from you! Even your eldest. I feel sad, so sorry to hear.
I have an apointment at the end of Jan. with an L for settle the money.To help and inform me. That must be the first thing I think. Its my future.
My L told me that we have to settle things by mediation. Than I asked him for some money, he send me that but there stood Confirm your request. So I know now that it will be very easy for him when I agry with mediation. Noway. A normal person without a L won't say confirm. Duhuh!
My S and H were sailing races today and S told me H was very crancky. Good I hope he will stay that way with her tonight!
All you have to do is contest the D!! Let your H do all the work..If he wants the D let him do the leg work...To me it sounds like your H is in a MLC....he doesn't know what he wants..and the OW is their bandaid...they think they are "in love" with her but it's just masking their own problems...it's all them not us.. I am still learning that...
My children are so sad...my D21 doesn't want anything to do with her dad and my D15 cries a lot.. my S10 is too young to really understand because heck dad still comes home..it's no different for him except dad sleeps in another room..7 months now.. Sad very sad..
I am learning a lot by coming to these boards..go to other threads..read and re read the posts. It helps, really it does, and ask for advice for some of the posters that have been through this..
Thing is if it's MLC, you're in for a loooonnnggggg rollercoaster ride.. I am at a year now that I know of...I could have been longer...but it has not been easy at all. I come here to vent and cry and get advice to get through a day..it's okay..everyone here is wonderful..
And are they crazy.....well, something like that.. (((Treese)))
Last edited by Treese; 01/21/0802:10 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Move on with your life and make the most of it while he goes through his crisis
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you for helping me! Its good to have support from people who knows what it is to be on the rollercoaster!
Your D has the same feelings as my S(22). Its hard for him that he is sailing with his dad, but at the other hand he loves sailing. So he is going backwards and forwards with his mind too. S is glad he is going away for 1 year the first of July.Thats an easy way out of it for him. S has a temporary job at the shorecrew of the VolvoOceanRace. There's an other hot item between H and him. Because he maybe cant finish his Master degree on time. H thinks that he must finish before leaving (H never interested in study of S like that before. So S said Help what is going on here). I think because its a temporary job there is no need to finish (only the scripty wont be done by then). He have to look for an other job when he's back. So I think its good to take a vieuw months extra to relax after this (beautyfull) job. (S is going all over the world for this job) Its hard for kids (no matter how old they are) to see their Dad's (or mom's) are acting like weardo's(writing part will be wrong??)Our harts are bleeding! I can immagine how you must feel with 3 of those kids.
My H was calling me today. He made his first(boating)exam wel! H was calling me right after the exam. (WHY?) I wasn't asking that. Concratulated him nicely. I asked him if we could pick up the boat at the beginning of March together? He told me that he would think about it! (he has obvious ask her first before letting me know)Hahahahaha What a freedom! From one family to another. Thats smart! I hope he'll do it. Why? Maybe to make OW angry?? 2 days with me instead of her!A lot of DBing to do if H agree!Pffffff. But I think its worth it.
I will keep you inform what's going on here. Hang on Treese. Hugs Merel
Thank you for leaving this note. Iam reading and reading. The DR is always (almost always) at my side.
The warmth of this side (the people who on this side) is doing very good to me! Thanks everyone! What me amazed are the feelings of everyone of us. They are pretty much the same. I know we are hit by the same bus, but still!
