Mike, I just caught up on your thread from the past week or so and see so many similarities between your W's actions and those of my W in the recent past. Let me just preface this by saying that the affair in my W's case ended about two weeks ago. Before this, things were generally good, and there was some occasional affection, but she would invariable pull back and tell me that she didn't want me to get the wrong impression. She was being nice, but had no intention of working on us because she was still involved. About two weeks ago, a lot of stuff went down, and she made a commitment to really make an effort to work on us and to also stop seeing the OG. Things improved a great deal in my mind but I could see that she was still confused and hesitant. I believe that she really wasn't convinced that she could or should be working on the relationship. She still had very strong feelings for OG and was torn on this. Fast forward to this past weekend...
We just did the Retrouvaille weekend and there has been a drastic shift in the commitment to our relationship on both of our parts. I was hopeful going into the weekend and saw it as a last resort to fix the marriage. My W was skeptical and hesitant. On Friday night, it was obvious that all of the couples (18 couples I believe) were having a hard time interacting. By the middle of Saturday, most of the couples were sitting closer and holding hands. There was a definite shift in communication and affection. We completed the weekend on a completely different level than when we went in. We both acknowledge that there is a lot of work ahead of us, but we are both committed now to doing what it takes to get there. The Retrouvaille weekend gave us the tools and the determination to fix our relationship and family and we are both really looking forward to this.
I know you had mentioned Retrouvaille as a possibility in the past. You should definitely suggest it to your W to as an option if only to improve communication between the two of you. I know when we signed up, but W agreed only half heartedly, but it ended up working out and was well worth it. There are a few coming up in NJ over the next few weeks. It is definitely worth looking into.
