On the other hand, I am concerned about several of the people your wife runs with and I don't think it would be a good idea to send her out to the wolves. Telling you that goes against everything in my gut but something in my spirit says "DON'T DO IT". I've got to go with my spirit on this one so just freeze, continue to enlighten YOURSELF and your behaviors will change and it is a given that hers will eventually as well. Wherever those changes lead the two of you, you can then decide together.
I feel the same way. The 'protector' in me doesn't want to give her the 'boot' or rock that boat right now. Just bide my time till June when school is out. What's that amount of time really worth to me in the grand scheme of things anyway? Best to 'gift' it to her and the kids in the interest of sanity.
As far as her 'friends', they are not 'bad people'. They are people who, as Theoden said in a previous post, are not 'marriage supporters who would take an interest in our MARRIAGE and kick us in the butts for not fixing things'. With one exception, they are all single, two are divorced. One of them regrets the divorce since she sees her husbands success over the years.
The married couple are the ones who teach the Hawaiian Massage classes and they are 'new age' all the way and having some issues in their relationship now that, in their 40's, they decided to have kids. The W doesn't want to travel any more to do the teaching, she wants another kid, and wants to pursue her own interests instead of doing what he is interested in - teaching massage. The H has lost his 'partner' who did all the business work and other arrangements for these trips. Now he has to buck up and do it himself.
Anyway, I would imagine that if I 'booted' her it would only give more validation that 'Frank is an emotional mess, better off without him'. And you know, I am starting to feel better about myself. Partly because I can 'see' all these things about HER lately that I have been absorbing / fixing / fearing for so long. I once told her that I didn't want to be 'afraid' of her leaving. She said she wouldn't leave me no matter what. I was still afraid.
I guess I'm still processing a lot of these feelings.
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*I don't know where the heck this idea just came from but is she trying to go on another trip anytime soon? Don't foot the bill.
No, she isn't. And she wouldn't have the nerve to ask me for $$ if she was.
just to clarify, the early December trip to the massage retreat was actually free because the couple who teach it needed a babysitter for their 3 year old kid and they offered her a deal to go. So she was 1/2 time with the kid and 1/2 time part of the classes.
The marching band's Rome trip was planned 9 months ago when we had every expectation that our companies litigation with AT&T who were disputing billings to them was going to be a 'slam dunk' since they had lost a similar case in the past. So it wasn't a 'we can't afford this' and it was broken down into several payments. In the end her Grandmother kindly loaned us the remaining money so she and D17 could go.
We didn't skip paying house bills so they could go, we borrowed money that we don't have to pay back right away. I just wanted to be clear about that.
