I will talk to my therapist about this (she's on vacation until Feb. 7) but when she gets back. As a sahm mom, I have a little less leverage than in your situation. I am detaching and doing everything recommended in the books and on this site to try to help my situation. I could get super hard core and lock him out of the house, which would require him to get a locksmith, pay $100, and with his anger issues, possibly endanger my health and encourage my divorce that much quicker, but I don't see that as a good option for me.
I guess I am also viewing this differently than you. I think if he chooses a wife who cheats on her husband, neglectful mom with terrible morals over me who is a basically a devoted wife, mom, & Sunday School teacher then probably he is not the right husband for me is how I see this, and he has 10 months to think through this decision.
