I am starting this thread with my last 2 posts from the previous one.

Quote:
I fell apart in church today but it's okay because it was in submission I didn't grasp until I was crying into my hands that that was what was happening. I'm going to do what He's leading me to do and I was crying because I know how hard it's going to be. I've been outside His will long enough (basically the last year) to know that this is the only way for me. Not only me, but for my family. We're in such a mess right now. The alcohol and prescrips along with the financial/mental/emotional results of my husband being out of work for pretty much of the past 8 months due to 2 surgeries mean this isn't going to be anything less than a fight uphill the entire way. That's what got in the way of the progress we were making though - think back to last Christmas when he gave me those two songs. We had began to be so much closer. Then by summer he was down with the first surgery. A month or so after returning to work in September he was out again (and still is). Add to that me wandering off in willful sin and in direct disobedience to the Word and this is the result. Complete chaos. Him spiraling downhill and me hellbent to make myself pay for what I imagined I'd done to my family single handedly. That's actually quite an arrogant concept. That one can be to blame. Would we dare to take all the credit if our marriages were blissful? No. We would know it was a team effort. I have often wondered why we are so willing to pick up the burden of guilt in its entirety... Well I will tell you why, because it serves the purposes of the one that came to kill, steal and destroy THE FAMILY UNIT and when he's got us beaten down, it is oh so easy to wallow. If he can get one of us destroyed, the whole family will fall. The longterm effect of this is once he does it to enough families, the church will fall. Look around these boards and you can see the collective shape of the family in the United States of America as well as elsewhere. The states are about the only thing that is still "united" in this country and that is shaky at best. I'll tell you what I know about guilt and I have said it before. It will take you down farther than you wanted to go and it will keep you there longer than you are willing to stay. I would encourage anyone that might read this to be mindful of this trick and don't fall into it. This is slippery territory because in order to be successful in ANY way with "DBing", it is necessary that we take a good and honest look at ourselves. When we do that in TRUTH, we almost certainly aren't going to like what we see. I know I didn't and it almost destroyed me. Be honest with yourself but don't become your own worst enemy. I did that, too. Know that you can turn everything you've done to contribute to this mess around. You're just going to have to fight for it. And let yourself be CHANGED as opposed to just praying to some magical God that your spouse will be.

I'll be back later to post more about what we talked about in church today.