Get Me on a Smoother Ride.....Need Advice, Part 11

[SueS]

Hello-

I've been off the boards for a while, so this is a big one!!

We got back from our trip late last night. The ride home was okay. Good, but with some odd things said.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get on over the weekend, but I was able to email a few people and told you of the things happening.
-H looking at articles on the computer on getting credit in order after divorce.
-H getting a call from OW while he was with us. (didn't take the call).
-H blowing up twice. Once because of traffic and once because he didn't want to wait 15 minute extra for me to meet a friend I hadn't seen for 2 years (she was running late).
-Me breaking down in front of a friend of ours (H wasn't in the room).

So, that was just some of the fun up until Sat. evening.

On Sat. night, D3 and I didn't have transportation, so my FIL gave us a ride to my BIL/SIL's house. SIL, myself, D3 and our niece were going to just hang out. Since we didn't have a way of getting back to FIL's and we didn't know how late they'd be out, we decided to stay overnight at BIL/SIL's house. FIL, H and BIL were going to play in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament. It was very late when we got everyone to sleep. I heard my BIL come in and about 15 minutes later, H calls their house and wants to talk to me. He's drunk and wants me to borrow a car and come to my FIL's for sex. It's almost 1:30 am. I told H that it was late and I didn't want to leave D3 sleeping in a strange house. He got angry. H told me that it was over. I said, just because of this one time. YES. He told me that it was MY last chance to HAVE HIM. I finally got him off the phone. My BIL was still awake and I went out to talk to him. I asked him if H had been drinking a lot. He said he didn't think so. So, H continues to call back and harrass me. At one point, he said......
-You're lame
-I want to be with OW because her personality blows you away.
-If I compare you and OW, you're a can of bad soup and she's a meal at a fine restaurant.
-When we get back to MN, we are starting D proceedings.
-You don't give me what I need.
-I hope you find someone who makes you happy and who you can make happy, because you sure don't make me happy.
-I know you have talked to OW's H too. By the way, OW hates his guts and wants me.

It went on like this for a while. I got upset and told H that he could say all the nasty things to me he wanted if it that's what it took to make him feel better about himself. My BIL was there the whole time and finally grabbed the phone from me and sat listening to everything that H was saying to me. He proceeded to tell H this........
-If this is the way you feel about Sue, you need to tell her when you're sober, not in this condition.
-You keep saying you're giving Sue a way out and doing her a favor, so don't come running when she's gone, saying you regret it and want her back.
-You're my brother and I love you, but I love Sue to and I don't want to see you hurt her like this.
-Instead of continuing to say that Sue doesn't give you what you need, why don't you stop and ask yourself if maybe you don't always give Sue what she needs.
-You have a beautiful little girl that you need to think about too.
-Stop always making things about you. Grow up and take some responsibility for your actions.
-This will hurt dad really bad, but if you want out, you need to sit down with dad before you leave and straighten all this out so he understands.

Well, of course H was drunk, so he just kept yelling. After BIL got off the phone, H continued to try to call me several times. BIL gave me the.....He's my brother and I love him, but that doesn't mean I condone what he's doing.....speach. I told him that I understood that and never intended for him to get in the middle and never expect him to take sides. I know that blood is thicker than water in the end.

On Sunday morning D3 and I got up and went back to my FIL's. I had to get her ready to go get pictures taken with our niece. My FIL had wanted their picture taken together. I got to my FIL's, bathed D3 and got her ready. H was sleeping. After I took the girls for their pictures, we went back to FIL's to get all of our things together so we could leave. H had to go pick up the car from his uncle (mechanic) so D3 and I spent more time at BIL/SIL's house. H picked us up around 3:15 and we left to come home. H had very little to say to anyone. He wasn't nasty, just quiet.

Odd things. On the way home, we pass several water parks. D3 asked if we could go. H said that when mommy gets our taxes done, we'll look to all go for a weekend. H also talked to D3 about seeing his family around Memorial Day weekend because D3 is off school and mommy/daddy don't work. D3 begged us to turn up the radio when Before He Cheats came on. He did it for her. H tried to intiate things with me last night. A slight female issue prevented that. He got angry at first, but after I explained my denial, he relaxed.

I'm sitting here this morning with the papers in front of me that the attorney gave me. I feel the need to at least fill them out. Filling them out doesn't mean turning them in or filing yet. For me it just means being stronger.

Sara, I know that you're right about my H and his drinking. You described it perfectly with the volcano.

Sally, to answer your question in your email. No, I don't love the H that is currently in my life. I love H I knew and the one I know he can be, but certainly not the one right now.

lwb- Thanks for your email too. I started cleaning out a lot of things at home. I felt myself pull away so much the past few weeks. I'm not ready for a divorce, but it will take what seems like a miracle to turn this M around now.

Sheila- I just saw you emailed too. I feel like I'm about 90-95% of the way to say enough is enough. I'm just trying to get some things in order.

For us to survive, a lot has to be changed. More than I had ever imagined in the beginning. I got up this morning and wondered if now would be a good time for H and I to sit and talk. A time to be open about the big elephant in the room and where we're headed. And, if I have any messages on my phone from him from Sat. night (I didn't check), to let him listen to them so he can hear what he said to me.

Well, I've been away from work for a few days and I need to get some things going.

Have a great day.

SueS