I should also point out that even the "confront & expose" approach includes the simultaneous strategies of GAL and "working on you." The idea is to bust the affair and get the wayward spouse into total "no-contact" so that the brain chemicals stop flowing and they are open to receive counseling, your love & meeting of their emotional needs, etc. (think of an alcoholic -- isn't the first thing you do is separate the addict from the source of their addiction? Until the alcohol is out of the house, you can't really work on recovery).
But during it all, it's imperative for the betrayed spouse to make themselves as attractive as possible to the wayward spouse. "Look good and smell good" is what NOP called it. "Shine a path back to the marriage."
I don't think it's an "or" thing as much as it is an "and" thing.
