Karen, I think Theoden brings up an important distinction. In my situation, I was able to bring some financial pressure to bear that may or may not be applicable for everyone. And reasonable people can disagree about the "confrontation & exposure" techniques taught by Harley, Glass and others. I happen to think they work -- big-time -- and have the not-so-side benefit of helping the betrayed one deal with their own self-esteem and self-confidence.
But the greater point here that I was trying to make is that there needs to be SOME real "pain" brought to bear as consequences for your husband's actions. Like a child who learns to bear with their parents simply YELLING at them, a wayward spouse can quickly learn to tune out the mere disapproval of their betrayed spouse. There needs to be some real-felt consequences for selfish and disrespecting actions like going out on a "date" right in front of you, or e-mailing the OW/OM right in front of you.
