If she worked for what she wanted and paid taxes, house/car insurance, home repairs, car repairs, etc, then maybe she would appreciate what she dad and not want so many new things.
One mistake I made was to cover all of the esentials, while she spent "HER" money.
Yeah, that was a mistake. I actually thought that you had indicated once that BB did have her own money which she was spending on the doodads. That is why I thought you should maybe back off. However, I suppose you could do some kind of cost/benefit analysis of the whole sich based on how much she would be entitled to if you split due to her years as homemaker etc. etc. I mean there should be some portion of your savings/income that is earmarked as her "fun" money even if you guys were really strapped and it was just $5 a week. You do understand that you haven't drawn a clear enforceable boundary on this issue, right? If you are in any way making a semi-conscious mental calculation along the lines of thinking that your best bet financially at the moment is to do your best to "control" BB then that is contributing to your marital fusion.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
