you could get "sucked back in" to *more* of a relationship with xbf than you really want, especially if his mother takes a turn for the worse and he really starts to lean on you
I do appreciate y'all's concern for me. And if I seem to be getting sucked back in, I hope someone will point it out to me. I'm not impervious to him. And when his mom dies, whether it's next month or years from now, I truly don't know what it will ultimately do to him. In the short run, of course, his grief will be overwhelming, more overwhelming than he can imagine right now. And he WON'T have anyone to really lean on except me. I'm glad he has his therapist and his men's AA group, but I'm clearly the go-to person. As his girlfriend, I don't think I could have borne it, but as his friend-friend I will bear it.
Are you all saying that when his mom dies, he will want to be bf-gf again, or just that he will lean on me a lot?
His leaning on me mainly, so far, has consisted of talking to me, running stuff past me, and then rejecting my comments and advice. He rarely directly asks me for anything or to do anything. He has not kept me fully informed about his mom's condition (although he will tell me details if I ask). In the beginning he sent out a group email to the relatives with updates on her condition, and I found out most of the stuff from there. And he also does not discuss many details about his daughters with me. He has never treated me like a stepparent or co-parent except on a few isolated occasions. I've been to his mom's apt once since new years. I suspect none of that will change. Are y'all seeing something I'm not seeing?
If I go astray, please lead me back to the path. He does tend to scramble my brain. He was over here for a little while yesterday evening. He was dropping off the dogs. Both dogs ran out for about five minutes and when they came back, BOTH had been skunked!
One of the things I like about bf is that while I was ranting and raving (I was in my wheelchair giving my leg a rest) and complaining about how I had to go put on my boot so I could stand up, bf was mixing an Oxyclean potion to wash the dogs with. We put the first one in the bathtub and washed him together. I calmed down.
But this is also true to form for him: while I put the second dog in the tub, bf got on the phone. Don't know whether it was incoming or outgoing call. He stayed on the phone while I washed dog #2. Then as I was drying her, he came in the bathroom and said, "Oh, you've washed her already?"
Those two things illustrate his personality in a nutshell. (But I'm the one who's NUTS!)
After he left, it was like a big rock had been thrown into my pond of serenity. It took a while for the ripples to go away. Dogs and house still smell pretty skunky.
ETA: I guess what I was getting at in the beginning of this post is that he hasn't treated me like a "girlfriend" for a long time. I have NOT been treated as special or out of the ordinary by him for at least a year, maybe longer. That's why I suspect things won't change much. The only thing that have really changed are my expectations.
